content

2012-02-07T16:13:00.000+08:00

i know your pain because we're its parents

let go of the most beautiful thing

you ever experienced

& be clear that the blame is

all yours to embrace

nothing is left

nothing but the agony of

the void vacated by amazing ties

memory cannot suffice

love cannot grow

barren land made barren because

what has died there is

non-biodegradable

and still it remains

2012-02-05T01:28:00.000+08:00

one day he will hear

you're cute & warm & cuddly & hard & soft & gentle & rough & noisy & peaceful & amazing

or this he will one day say

have you ever felt desire so keenly it was poison? have you ever felt desire so potently it could kill?

'don't worry you didn't snore'

'but that's not why you were smiling in your sleep'

burning redemption

at what cost

salvation

like water falling from its box

the years flow by

and away

2012-02-01T14:25:00.000+08:00

that face.

he saw her one day, grinning at the phone, the sweetest smile reserved for happy love, a smile he never got to see (because you don't message when you're face to face) and now a smile that poured into him the bitterest of regret and ill-will toward what had slipped from his grasp and disappeared into the ephemeral clouds. you can't hate without love, and there are no shadows where no light appears. in the latter case, only darkness would persist. right now, he desperately wished the only thing pounding through his veins was hatred. but the sick, sick thing was that love remained.

he would never stop purging; neither can he stop his binge.

input input input

output

bought a notebook

to give thoughts their outlet

modeling is no sweat

casting is sweaty business

when you run from public transport hubs to buses to trains

and then from bustops to obscure flatted factories

opting to NOT scale the stairs (although six flights would be amazing) because more sweat would accrue, and that wouldn't be very nice would it

saying hello

giving your comcard

passing over your portfolio

remaining detached about the make-up laden photos of yourself

while answering queries about your actual age and why you look so much older in pictures (IT'S THE FOUNDATION)

10-20min chop chop all done

wish them a Happy [insert day of the week]

exeunt

chinese new year

is an excuse

to binge on chocolates

that nobody else in the family wishes to place on their lips (for fear it goes to the hips).

but it also makes you fall slightly ill

especially when you don't sleep after a night out (when i say night i mean night), which came hot on the heels on another accidental night out, and then go rock climbing in the afternoon of that sleepy Saturday

DRINK WATER SLEEP REST EAT VITAMINS FROM MANDARIN ORANGES

'don't be afraid to have fun with your money; a million dollars in savings won't buy back your youth'

'fame means millions of people have the wrong idea of who you really are'

accidents happen

fatalities occur

we survived

the demons in our head

but they do exist

we were lucky

no matter how fast you swim in the dark unknown waters

you can't outswim that which doesn't not need air nor life

little decisions made can do a lot for your life

the wrong turn, the wrong bus, the right choice, the right buy

parallel universes can't exist

the possibilities would be endless

and too little space for them all

"don't leave me high don't leave me dry"

2012-01-29T07:55:00.000+08:00

i have been living in this dreamy haze for what seems like longer than i can remember, but is only less than 50 hours; while the difference between living in and being lost in a swirl of mist that disappears at first bashful touch, may seem poor little, it is yet a great canyon between the two, and we know which side we stand on

but the question is: does anyone else?

2012-01-28T17:37:00.002+08:00

'going into the unknown

is how we expand what is known.'

2012-01-26T15:37:00.001+08:00

was scrolling left on FB photos, amazed at how i had actually lived through events depicted because it all seems a dream right now, or a faint memory of someone else's days

being fully present in every day means the past isn't a deadweight that saddles but something dredged up occasionally to contemplate morosely (we bring back sad memories more easily and take all the other happy days for granted as the norm)

my cousin and i were tumblr-ing during CNY, and somewhere someone said 'a birth certificate shows that we lived, a death certificate shows that we died, photos showed that we lived'

cheesiness notwithstanding, taking photos is very important for someone like me, who would otherwise be un-anchored to the days behind me

(don't know why taking Food Photos is also super important to these trigger-happy fingers, but it is)

plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose

photo taken by Giam, after our class newspaper-collection at AMK housing blocks (:

this is either when we were 3/3 2008, or 4/3 2009

our class had distinct groups (mostly influenced by which lower sec class one came from) and bonded through the ridiculous shit we collectively witnessed and got up to

running on the drain while running rounds around school for PE was recklessly fun, and so was eating at the coffeeshop outside (cheese fries! bubble tea! ROJAK!!) and people-spotting during

fighting for the cushiest cushions/IKEA Snake/furry pillow in InspireTown is also good, as is sharing fruit from the fruit stall's little styrofoam bowls

i think we take things like festivals, Be Yourself Days, Racial Harmony Days for granted because they happen frequently enough, but they're actually very important, amazingly enriching and FUN

e.g. Sports Carnivals where the class sends teams to play football or that game where you push a giant dirty ball around, employing violence where necessary; or that ANDEcarnival thing where each class/CCA sets up a stall in the canteen to sell food items, knick knacks, games and more (bought a Foxtrot comic book for $0.50!)

what secondary school proffers is the cozy sensation that comes from everyone knowing everyone

you can know people by face, or you can know them because they're your friends' friend or your CCA mate, or your ECA mate (like I think Debate Club was an extra-curricular activity instead of a co-curricular activity because it wasn't an official thing, despite our appearances at JG Championships; the Radio Club with XH, P and the rest was also definitely an ECA)

the school isn't that big

six sprawling levels with each cohort having less than 400 Andersonians

when we play around-the-school catching, it's almost like hide and seek catching because it's open design means you can spot your sneaky playmate tip-toeing past the library corridor from far far away

you have to play the game after-hours and hide from teachers too - they don't take too kindly to watching maniacal children dash and laugh and scream while trying to run each other down

those were the days (:

WHOSE CAR IS THIS ANYWAY!!???

okay no, this photo is here because i want to show off blood and pain (even if its not explicitly visible)

that white thing there isn't a sports band - it's bandages

gloriously plunging down granite-laced storm drains with stone scraping skin (and vice versa) produces deep parallel gashes that require lots of cleaning and wrapping

it happened in the last few months before New Paper 2009, which also explains the bangs haircut, courtesy of Monsoon at Novena

the fall was nicely timed, about 3min before the New Face Levi's Ladies event (which my bloodied legs then couldn't bring me to), and a day before the spread appeared in the papers

and because Mrs Poh is a very nice principal, she let me limp onto stage to advertise for votes, confusing classmates who saw me uncrippled just the day before >:)

rehearsal at SPH!

that evening we celebrated the birthdays of 2-3 people, and someone bought very yummy chocolate-y cake from the Spinelli upstairs (:

our batch was very funny because we didn't learn HOW to catwalk (our trainer was ill throughout) and only rehearsed the Daniel Boey's choreography until muscle memory & timed co-ordination took over automatically

luckily, savvy babes who already knew how to sway in heels didn't mind the lack of instruction, and freestyled like a boss (not saying that i'm one of the savvy babes btw!!!!!)

i'm wearing Anderson Sec PE T-shirt, because i don't have nice clothes

still don't have nice clothes

and won't be eating nice food soon if i'm not careful and DON'T FIND WAYS TO EARN A LIVING

(okay, money from the Humanities Scholarship and money earned from being with Upfront is untouchable; what they're doing camping in POSBank instead of being released into the capitalist economy, is beyond me)

Transitions EP Launch 2009 at *scape

did i really do this!?!

was too naively gung-ho to be very very afraid indeed of the serious challenge of emceeing for a rock concert held for a room crammed with older kids who take no shit from nobody

you need the SPIRIT and the SOUL to bring their energy through the ceiling, and then you better be entertaining and likable enough to keep them happy while the different bands set up and do their sound checks

wasn't stressed until the very first time on stage (first time out of many more times), because then i finally got a taste of a community whose pulse i had never come close to experiencing before and didn't know what best to do

T, who was singing/screaming for his band, then expertly saved my noob ass by showing me how it was done, and setting the stage for a mad night

again, BRAVADO MAKES UP FOR A LOT OF SINS!

when you earn some street cred/respect (ah huh ah huh), people won't take you to be the annoying excitable retard you may look like, and will actually listen to what you're presenting and cheer when you cue them to

and now that, was fun

did someone crowd surf? did spittle fly from the stage into the adoring faces of thrashing fans? did light sticks illuminate the smoke-filled room as sweat dripped from moshing bodies?

i remember V showing me her ears and her expensive earplugs, after she spotted me using my Watson ones (:

responsible raving

ftw

ANDERSON THEATRE CIRCLE!!

4 years of being with the same people, in the same CCA, doing more or less the same shit (ONCE YOU DO SOUND, YOU NEVER COME OUT)

met people older that i loved, met people younger i loved, met people born in 1993 i loved also

we walk in honey, walk at the speed of 10/10, walk as if we're animals for warm-ups

we meet in our own Black Box, where you take off your shoes and go in and stretch

we pretend that the D&T lab next to us is our home, and sit on its tables to mark our territory

our Open House displays are always dramatic

our excursions to watch The Finger Players or to perform at National Library always begins with snacking/partying on buses and ends with icky make-up removal

AND DRAMA CHALETS OF THE '09 & '08 BATCHES ARE ALWAYS THE BEST

being in drama hardly taught me how to act (because i never acted (: )

but it did teach me the immense special-ness of every single person, without whom ATC would not be what it has been

we are who we are not because of what we've done

we do what we do because of who we are

but also because you should grab the balls of fun opportunities when life flings them at you

and not be struck and banded like tennis balls by the stars above

anyway http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llWYUIUuAZs has the amusing footage of the two nights at TAB, read its description, will explain what needs explaining soon

most important: the acting was purely physical theatre FOR the customers around (because we want their reactions, and are not acting for the cameras that roll)

the mikes snuggled close to our bodies pick up words and sounds that were not meant for the live audience to hear, so you can hear funny stuff like 'Dude! Dude!' at 5:11 while the TAB patrons see panic, distress and vulnerability

everything was improv even though we all relied heavily on WhatsApp to bring us the side-line observations from M (who'd be like 'Okay the table there is noticing, try to slap him or cry', 'Be loud!!!' and 'tussle near the boys')

this is also why you can hear ZR's phone beep at the Confrontation With Dudes part

2012-01-24T23:58:00.000+08:00

the jaw is a powerful muscle

if we spent nearly 8-10 hours pretending to be TAB patrons/workers and have 7min to show for it, imagine the sheer amount of editing, processing, creative work the producers of CNA's BlogTv have to go through to create a 28min show

it airs this Wednesday on Channel NewsAsia at 8pm and 11pm, on Thursday at 1pm and on Friday at 6pm

will try to catch these timeslots when my grandpa isn't watching La Liga Premier or WWE

2012-01-20T11:52:00.000+08:00

don't run away from your destiny

don't think of a pink elephant

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY NUMBER 1 MIDDLE SISTER!

she turned 17 yesterday

i bought the cake & 16 candles

um accidentally

that didn't turn the clock back, but it did create one less hole in the tiramisu

and what a yummy tiramisu it was

until recently (until a few nights ago), i could count the number of times i've been in a club with the thumbs on my hands

now i need three thumbs if i want to keep saying that

it's always more fun when you bump into people you know instead of watching strangers shimmy while casually displaying their glasses of Teacher's Highland Cream

and it's always more fun to WORK IT and dance chocolate bailey peanut butter ice cream off, instead of, well, not writhing like you're on fire

the downside to clubbing (that i can see so far), is that people get bloodied! fights amongst strangers have been witnessed 33.33% of the time, prompting the unnecessary appearance of the cops & ambulance (bloodied forehead and blood-splattered shirt on the two violent drunks, who were more pissed than fatally wounded)

also, unless you want to camp outside and hobo all early morning long, cabbing is insane and will cost you more than two Starbucks venti drinks (not that i'm endorsing the "dangerous" practice of napping in public, or the capitalist invasion of MNCs)

haven't seen irresponsible drinking and its corollary, irresponsible inappropriate behaviour yet, so can't say anything about that now

its only vice if you think it is

its only nice if you think it is

we screw

our sleep

domesticated chickens have the brains, at least, to squawk and fly hurriedly away when Lucky approaches their little patch of green

wonder what my distant neighbour is keeping them for

feathery pals?

'anon: i hope you don't mind me asking,but what's ELL like?And is it a challenging subject?'

it's as challenging as any other H2 subject one can pick at JC, especially because, like Economics and unlike Mathematics or Chemistry, it's something relatively new to 17-18 year olds

ELL was insanely fun, even though our grades fluctuated weirdly

M, N and myself would revise/mug/chiong for ELL exam papers, which were invariably set at bad date slots either way before or way after the rest of our class was done with their History + Economics + Literature + Math combi

(we didn't take Economics >:D)

we learn stuff like Morphology, Syntax, Discourse Analysis, Phonetics, Phonology, Halliday's Metafunctions, Grice's maxims, Fairclough & Gang; how to linguistically analyze texts, conversation transcripts, advertisements, how to adapt your own text from given text types (OUR A LEVEL HAD SOMETHING ABOUT DORA THE EXPLORER, along with other things like Singapore National Day Songs), how to thoroughly discuss linguistic issues like Language in Society/Politics/New Communication Technology, Language Variation across Factors like Gender, Age, Class and of course, Geographic isoglosses

so ELL is what it is, English Language and Linguistics

and even though H2ELL seemed like hell at the beginning when nobody knew what was going on, it is a fun, useful and eye-opening ride

'Envious: How often do u exercise and wad do u do to get your toned body?'

my body, this vessel that awesomely lets me run walk skip ninja-dash, is what it is because of several things, and exercise is just one of these things

this build comes from my dad, who was buff but not bulky

he contributed also, by being a tough running partner in the years after Rosyth Primary track & field training evolved into fun runs with family and others

because i love the idea of being a spy/ninja, being able to pack real weight into punches kicks and jabs makes me really love doing strength training even if it doesn't help a lot (it helps if you do it consistently, powerfully and DAILY, but i don't)

within a week i try to run at least once

went to the pool recently, something i don't really like doing even after a childhood spent outstripping older (and heavier, therefore more drag in the water) kids

everyday i climb stairs instead of using the escalator (in MRTs)

besides DNA and exercise, what's important is what you fuel yourself with

unfortunately, i fuel myself with high fructose corn syrup cereal, plenty of freaking sugar from cakes that receive no mercy from expertly wielded cutlery (or bare hands, see post of Laduree chocolate cake far below this one), more milk tea than anyone should bear, and more chocolate milk than babies drink

do not feel envy

nobody is hardly completely happy with their bodies in this disgusting age where we're told how physical conformity is more valued than what we actually are as individuals

none can feel envy, dissatisfaction, or anxiety when one doesn't attach anything to the reflection in the mirror

it's not that Ignorance is Bliss, it's how Things that Really Don't Mean Anything Don't Have To Mean Anything

but this is coming from a girl who can cry if she screws up her haircut herself (JUST REMEMBERED: THE AIRPORT CUSTOMS AT VIETNAM CONFISCATED MY HAIR-CUTTING SCISSORS :O) and who thinks her fats gather in her face and throw pizza parties

so uh

eat drink and be merry!!

happy chinese new year to all who will enjoy the string of holiday days!

2012-01-17T01:26:00.000+08:00

FOOD FOOD FOOD

Vietnam food was not as bland as the guidebook warned and was pleasurably affordable >:)

stuff tried and loved or feared:

beef/chicken Pho

crocodile meat (tastes like chicken & beef & mutton & frog!), rabbit meat (grey)

seafood/chicken/beef salads

MANGO YOGHURT SHAKES

coconuts

fresh fruit (Vietnam = #1 exporter of dragonfruit)

biscuits from convenience stores

dried jackfruit/banana

copious amounts of peanut butter and egg omelette for glorious breakfasts

obsessed plenty over the fruit yoghurt shakes

damn good

normally i don't like drinking anything but water (and chocolate milk and soya milk)

but Vietnam fruit yoghurt shakes are almost as good as Singapore's Meilock Soursop Fruit Juices and glacious yoghurt shakes (had my first one today, LOVED THAT BANANA GRANOLA BUTTERSCOTCH SHIT)

missing the texture and the sweetness of ripe fruits sliced & diced by whirring metal

gonna buy eskimo milk tea tomorrow

their stock of pudding should have come in by now >:D

[btw, i gush about these stores quite a bit, but rest assured THERE IS NO MONEY involved and this is free advertising for excellent goods. i just really love letting them earn my $$]

jungle girl

when you're with a bunch of crazy butts who eat a lot and get second orders and third orders (especially for the yummy drinks like THE YOGHURT SHAKES), you persistently forget to not overeat despite shoots that show plenty of the human body in its most natural outfit, its birthday suit

not that i joined in the full frontal exposure

a lot of the outfits specially selected to look like they were casually thrown on were not mine but belonged to R, who bunked with me in all of the luscious resorts and hotels and villas our group went through (and ALL for very delicious prices thanks to Viet rates, off-peak seasons and careful planning by A)

even the doctor marten boots weren't mine but borrowed from T's friend

we covered white sand dunes, red sand dunes, waterfalls (Da Lat's Elephant Waterfalls), outdoor/indoor villa shoots, hotel shoots, street shoots, on-the-road shoots (sticking heads and limbs out of speeding buses while winding paths are scaled), literally on-the-road shoots (walking in the honky-tonky streets), pool shoots and by-the-pool shoots

every location saw the potentiality of fatality! doom! death!

and each journey to each location saw the same

we saw an accident's aftermath, individually focusing and remembering different parts of the scene as our bus whizzed away (dark pools of liquid, crushed glass, man on the ground, crowd encircling the dismay)

and our friendly local friends (originally only D & J's cool street-genius friends, but now everyone's acquaintances too) told us how more Vietnamese die in traffic accidents than Americans in Iraq

so it is cause of wild celebration that we all escaped with only cuts, scrapes, abrasions, bruises

although what is reckless living, but for the young where youth would otherwise be wasted on?

Vietnam was amazing and really opened my mind and my brain (which sounds like something LSD would facilitate, but no, the closest we got to drugs and druggies was about 15cm). It was more tight hot work than slacky holiday, with the epic affordable meals, really late waking time and night-time talking/laughing/roaring making up the latter. But work = fun when you roll with an insane bunch of young adults, who act younger than their age and have spirits that soar higher than their smoke clouds.

The happiest part of the trip, besides the amazing photos that are slowly trickling their way through Facebook...but barely reveal the 120GB of madness we did, was how it made friends out of strangers<3

Out of our motley crew of 6-9 (J, M, R, A, T, D, J, M, M – some joining in for only a portion of the trip), I had only met & knew 3 (M, A, R). But we quickly unearthed our matching horoscopes (we had pairs of Pisces, Taurus & Leo), snapping pictures in matching Doc Mart boots, and warmed to each other in the many hours of clothing-optional picture-taking to come. As the trip came to an end, and after many death-defying experiences or near-death encounters, we all agreed that we managed to click so well because we were all crazy social animals and non-bitchy etc.

Far from being a Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants story, this was a freaking rough ‘n’ tumble, CUTS & BRUISES APLENTY, cursing uncouth raw, dripping in sexuality and retardation in equal part, binging on coconuts mango yoghurt Vietnamese PHO and black strong coffee road trip. No pansy gentleness from any of us, because we are psychopathic warriors that brave pervy Da Lat natives (who grope and pinch), insane traffic (that takes lives, including that of the man we saw face down in broken glass), gravelly roads (kudos for giving me a crater on my left knuckle), and such great heights that are to be scaled then jumped down from, or sprinted up and down and side to side.

The things we do for shoots? EVERYTHING.

and okay, because Al took the previous shot, here is one where she also took the shot, but with a mirror and a HDR-enabled iPhone (that i um cracked a few minutes after this was taken)

this is in the morning, 8am, after a long yummy breakfast at Ana Mandara Villa Dalat Resort that started at 6.30+am

and this cold morning came on the sleepless heels of a night spent on the table, on the couch, on the bed, in the bathtub, on the fireplace

we didn't nap, we shot throughout the night, relying on chatting and dried/fried banana snacks to stay awake and keep inspiration flowing through bodies chilled by the mountain air

morning eventually peeked through thick resort curtains, curtains that made us feel safe from external intruders but also unsafe from the scary sprites in the same room we masochistically conjured to scare ourselves

then we ran outside to take more photos more videos and watch breath turn to vapor in the sunshine

i love really loving something

enough to sacrifice sleep and untorn skin

and having the experience shared & shaped by amazing kids

what's really interesting about travelling with friends and not family is that other groups of travelers approach and strike conversations!!!!!!!!

A gave the owner of our favourite restaurant her first book and we all signed it

in the middle is Deborah, whose husband is a decade older, AND A KUNG FU MASTER

other people we met were encountered on the dingy neon-flooded streets of Saigon

they asked if we were on ecstasy because we were spinning and sprinting while grabbing lightsticks like monsters

they also asked if we wanted more drugs

unfortunately, all we were high on was life and possibly dinner (FAMOUS PHO!), which isn't stocked in stores and couldn't be paid for

we also met very unsavory annoying people, namely three men who stalked our trail across the waterfalls and did not receive visits from karma and fall from the slippery footholds to a stony paralysis despite grabby hands that violate those who refuse to back down and pretend to be afraid

whatever

ninjas shall triumph

and this is only one leg!

J and I ran down (and up and down and up!) hard sand dunes, and had to fall on our asses in mid-air

so the most serious bruise is unfortunately invisible, which is thankful because a butt bruise would be almost too beautiful to not attempt again >:)

the dirtiest shoot was also the hard red sand dunes one, because we roll in mud and soil after sandsurfing on our bellies (where the sand gets trapped in all folds of clothing...like your underwear)

the most illegal = the one at the white sand dunes, because apparently underwear as outerwear is definitely NOT allowed, especially when the plains of the area mean that everyone can see the scant little black material on your yellow/beige/white asian skin from over the hills and far away

most cold = beach

wind wet chilled the the bone smiling with happiness and mad from the thrill of running into waves and crashing onto shore

pictures really tell these stories better, so will wait for the shots to be collated & published

my food purchasing style: keep buying what i love like crazy and never feel the urge to 'try something else on the menu'

so white rabbit blackforest, this is for you

made new friends while being a tomato in SG Poly's library, Chinese Gardens, a bus and in woodlands

and it's even better when one of the new friends made is actually wonderful and awesome and a pokemon lover who invites me into her home for good food and computer fun<3

haven't been into other people's homes for too long!!!!

the horrible thing about me is that i have a weird inability to make or take phone calls without feeling a sense of unease (so maybe it's a beautiful blessing that my phone is irreversibly damaged and can't take/make calls unless i shell out more money than i'm willing to, to make it okay again)

irrational inabilities also extend to MAKING DATES with people

or else i'd be invading kitchens and living rooms of dearly missed friends all the time

CHINESE YO!

desperately need to improve aural mandarin before March, because that's when we're shooting the 4 episodes of Date A Star, which is a CHANNEL EIGHT REALITY PROGRAM

WHICH MEANS I SPEAK IN CHINESE.

okay, before these paragraphs sound like non sequiturs to the photo, the photo is of the nicest outfit that the Wardrobe section has picked out for my manly body to don (the black spots are from the mirror i think)

getting to mediacorp was a huge joke, because of multiple missed buses (got off a bus i just got on, to chase down a bus 140m and 2 traffic lights away, and missing it too) and because of a long run/trek/job up Caldecott Hill from Far East Flora, which made me sweat enough to have to bathe more than once today

grrrr

but i left with more than free make-up and a peek at actors getting their make up done (found J<3 and saw her co-stars as well as Chen Liping happily hairspraying her own hair), i left with the footage of BlogTv's episode on sexual harrassment!

CUE EVIL LAUGHTER

maria gave me the 700MB worth of hidden camera footage and dialogue of the tiny section that makes up BlogTv.com.sg's Episode 15 (or 16?) on sexual harrassment

okay this is my chinese new year resolution, to address the cbox which i have been unfairly neglecting, and to talk about the CNA experience depicted above because it's not everyday you know someone who sneakily tricks fellow customers (who just want to have a good time to unwind, jeeeezus!) into believing that a dude is genuinely intent on creating a serious mess, and that a damsel is in distress

another resolution is also to live each day to the fullest

for now, that means playing The Sims 3 before waking up at 6.30am later

CUE EVILLER LAUGHTER

2012-01-13T07:08:00.000+08:00

eight days and seven nights of wonder in Vietnam's Mui Ne, Da Lat, Saigon

plenty of road trips that take hours (7h, 4h bus rides) on winding roads that connect the sandy beaches and dunes of Mui Ne to the chilly mountainous coffee-growing regions of Dalat and finally, the vibrant, honk-y neon-tinted streets of Ho Chi Minh City

amazing people

amazing food

and scenery you won't get anyplace else

a trip stuffed with photos and filmed videos (120++ gigabytes of them, estimate A & R), great learning opportunities and fun nonsense wild happy shit

even with the daily brushes with fatalities and near-death experiences, this journey left all of us that were in for the ride with nothing but satisfied smiles

nothing but that and bruises, cuts and happy scrapes

from life recklessly lived and passionately pursued

2012-01-05T09:30:00.000+08:00

In Vietnam from 5-12 Jan for crazy wild holiday travel shoots, on Channel Newsasia at 4 Jan 8pm and 5 Jan 1pm (both of which I will be unable to watch or record :( ) on the TV channel itself and on BlogTv.com.sg, and on xinmsn.sg & Channel 8 for a chinese real-life show before end-April rolls around.

Time to relearn aural mandarin, for reasons more than one (:
[good luck]

2012-01-03T21:41:00.001+08:00

'i've been loved but i didn't know how to feel it

and i've been adored but i don't know if i ever believed it

i've been loved my whole life but i didn't know how to take it

until you'

2011-12-31T05:42:00.001+08:00

I LOVE YOU BUT YOU JUST COST ME SGD$7 AFTER DISCOUNT!

I LOVE YOU BUT YOU'LL BE THE DEATH OF ME

(laduree chocolate cake that had to be eaten by hand, so from hand to lips it went; also one way to put off your family (who is already sick of sweet sugary confectionery) from nibbling bites off this rich delight)

I LOVE YOU BUT I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU.

(got Duty Free Russian Red in the end, and am loving the M.A.C. smell that its products have. shoots that use M.A.C. products are awesome because of the wonderful smells of all its products! the primer spray spray thing also has a very characteristic smell...me mucho likey)

AM HUNTING FOR:
- excellent hard disk
- good place to learn krav maga or MMA (heard rumours about it being lame, hope they're just tall tales)
- FUN GOOD PHOTOSHOOTS! just like how climb enthusiasts of climbasia love rock climbing and jumping from rock to rock, i love shoots and its the only thing that can ever distract me from the fact that i haven't eaten within the last 3 hours. nothing else can. (just did one this morning, enjoyed the burning pain from real juicy chilli padis strung around my neck and the hungry ants of Botanical Gardens. also enjoyed the very yummy Soy-Chocolate-Milk that was the immediate reward of the blisteringly hot day. the long-term gain: crazy fruity photos that would make my 90-year-old-self not lament being feeble, diapered and 90. no offense to 90 year olds who have perfect bladder control)
- and a pet bunny to pet sometimes (WJ I WILL WALK TO YOUR HOUSE WHEN YOU ARE ASLEEP AND ATTACK/CUDDLE/SING TO/SNUGGLE THAT BUNNY)

trying to think of more things that i want to hunt for, but sleeping 3.5h (the 30min was a nap helplessly imposed on my crushed bruised body, arms weak legs sore) for the past 45h has taken its toll.

(rock climbing produces madly pleasing abrasions, scrapes and (GET THIS:) multi-coloured bruises. it also is great for NINJA TRAINING)

2011-12-30T02:10:00.000+08:00

cutlery was unfeasible

as i grow older i find myself more afraid of planes! taking off and landing seems to me an impossible feat somehow managed miraculously. (how does a plane actually land so smoothly?!!)

am slightly jet lagged, which is most unfortunate because i need to wake up at SG time 6am, which is about 4h from now, and i haven't done things which will take 90min to do

so now i can't sleep

and i can't stop perceiving that chocolate for dinner = good yummy idea

youth knows no pain

will have to quickly sweat off all that English/French fat my family has been cultivating so carefully for the past 10 days to ward off against the unnaturally warm winter - that's 4-8 degress Celsius

reason being: going to Vietnam about 6 full days from now, to shoot like crazy!

(and that which is shot is not, unfortunately, human traffickers/organ harvesters, but photos)

and it would be such a waste to not look like a ninja

OH just read Eric Lustbader's The Ninja - IT IS DAMN GOOD and it says that ninjas are evil!

so maybe i'll just stick to spies though ninja has a very nice taste to the word

(also, like Laymon's series, Lustbader mixes fear with erotic imagery, which lends credence to the conclusion that fear and sex are close neighbours and perhaps evoking one is a sneaky shortcut way to incite the other)

serious signs of jet lag now: PROCRASTINATION

and that P-word reminds me also that i have done shit about the US Uni Apps that are due in a few hours

drafting essays by hand on planes (SG to London is about 13/14 hours) doesn't really count for much, especially when they're written with the background melodies of infants screaming for release from the artificially pressurized air cabins

[not that i'm complaining, watching CSI/Family Guy/Simpsons/NCIS/movies like Trespass was very relaxing]

okay it is 2.08am, i had planned to sleep from 2-6am, but now it looks like that plan is gone to the wind (which has so much more moisture and less cigarette smoke than the air of Paris)

will do what has to be done tonight

and survive tomorrow pretending that sleep is an option

you are what you believe

2011-12-23T16:50:00.000+08:00

There is nothing more boring or uninspiring than hearing about other people's travel trips, so as I kope the Eurostar's Wi-Fi, I'll pretend I'm not chilling (literally; ass is parked on a cold steel bench) and write about THE YEARS.

I am eighteen. Will be turning nineteen next year. And then two decades of instinctual respiration would have come and gone. Age IS just a number, it's the forgetting how to be young footloose fancy free madly in love with everyday every moment...that's what I fear will one day settle on my head and shoulders like the evil monkey that terrorizes Chris from Family Guy.

So if you know me. When I am thirty. Please do not be alarmed if I do not act my age and continually reference Borat, if I J*ZZ IN MY PANTS when orgasmic ice cream is around, and if I refuse to comb my unruly hair.

Off to Paris, farewell London. Macaroons come to mama.

2011-12-18T11:41:00.001+08:00

away from 19-29 Dec and 5-14 Jan!
my family missed our flight because it was "18 Dec 2AM", which was 17 Dec late-night and not Sunday, 18 Dec late-night

just as well, i haven't packed anything at all yet (:

happy holidays, and happy 2011

2011-12-15T17:54:00.000+08:00

DECEMBER DAYS AND DREAMS

our grandfather loves travelling for good food, and here is Yong Ji Bak Kut Teh in AMK's Teck Ghee Court! can't tell whether BKT there is exceptionally amazing, because this is the only time I eat BKT. i always eat bak chor mee, and rarely get other hawker foods; if i do, its duck rice, nasi lemak, teowchew dumpling noodle, oyster omelette<3

what do you do when it doesnt rain? december rain has been mildly annoying when it happens and lays ruin to plans to run, and because shoes get damp/soggy/disgusting

going for castings: sugary Chewy Junior to please the palate, books to read while standing around on public transport (PLEASE NEVER LET EZLINK CONCESSION FARES END). gothere.sg & SBS Bus Guide have been insanely helpful in plotting routes; travelling to Amoy Street / Ubi Crescent / Genting Lane / Portsdown Rd / Outram Rd / Joo Seng Rd and walking past buildings never chanced upon before makes me feel like a tourist uncovering new lands

being at castings: the dude was like 'Aiyah I help you take' and later told me I reminded him of his niece. 'How old?' I asked, and he said 'Too young'. So apparently I look like a kid sometimes. Which is probably why my parents treat me like one (:

walking around Singapore, working up a flush in humid lands

being more-free-than-ever-before (but still busy; will upload my very packed week of urgent appointments soon), i am finally empowered to do something i've always wanted to, but couldn't because of homework and stuff: WALK. so after castings, instead of taking bus/train home/elsewhere-to-study, I now spend time walking aimlessly to take in the sights smells memories of Singapore, and take pictures of things along the way. Was at Tanjong Pagar for a casting, walked to Clarke Quay simply because I could. Saw VJC prom kids getting their hair done in a salon along the way, and also lots of yummy coffeehouses >:9 (that's a tongue btw, learnt from M. Luo >:D)

Walking from Mediacorp to RJC in drizzle: jaywalked like some idiot near Braddell View where drivers like my father were probably chiding me inside their cars for jaywalking and taking photos of a huge smiley rainbow that crossed the dark skies. Is it good to walk around so much in shoes that weren't made for walking? (i.e. Charles and Keith shoes that looks like boat shoes) (how does a fashion-illiterate like myself know what the hell boat shoes are? i have no idea)

FREE PIZZA. One reason why I'm interested in Psychology as a major option is because of impulses like these. Why do free things turn me on so much? (i am not horrible and am not hard up for free things, but when free things are thrown my way, i get sooooo very happy and excited). Other course options I would love to spend time on include: Business Management, Mass Communication & Media, Film Studies, Journalism.

FREE DRINKS. Alcohol is bad because its dehydrating, fattening and kills your brain cells like they were germs and it is some '99.9% Effective At Sanitation!' soap brand. Have imbibed more (free) alcohol in the past 2 weeks than I have in the past 18 years, but that isn't saying very much anyway since the very bad consequences of alcohol really put me off the delights of yummy bubbly. Don't drink kids.

Worked as a waitress at TAB on one monday night, but not really because 5h of work saw zero pay and compensation in the form of Mojitos and Beer-battered Mushrooms! Was an actor/waitress (the latter because I really did take orders/clear tables from the unsuspecting customers) that got harassed by a drunken (fake) customer. Very few Singaporeans stood up for this violation of personal bodily privacy, and those that did didn't approach the aggressor directly but my manager and myself. ('Is that guy bothering you?'). Watch Channel Newsasia's BlogTV on 4th Jan to watch the fracas.

At TAB on tuesday, where I am now a provocatively-dressed customer harassed by a fellow customer (: (The producers were gunning for a "She was asking for it." response by bystanders). Depicted is TAB's boss, the production team (Maria is missing though) and the actors for the night. Night two had a lot more free alcohol, and my co-workers from the previous night (whose serving team I integrated very well into, and whom sometimes were unsure whether it was really acting or real trouble) plied me with drinks specials, and mystery concoctions.

THE NINJA!

did you know you can borrow up to 12 books per library card? find out via firsthand experience! books are awesome and a magical portal to things you would otherwise never have seen/felt/thought of. I love Lee Child, Richard Laymon, King + Lebbon (depicted), Fleming and Ludlum. Notice that all are macabre mystery/thrillers, and none are lovey-dovey. Romance is for girls!

meeting Don for the second time for clicknetwork's Christmas special. my bony ass (OKAY ACTUALLY MY ASS IS V SUBSTANTIAL (now i'm thinking of a line from White Chicks, "A white girl with a black girl's ass") AND CAN BE FLEXED RAPIDLY so the adjective 'bony' is here because my ass bones are hurting from camping so long at Starbucks for college essays) was parked on his sturdy right thigh as we discussed legal ages, Singapore food outlets, and whether we were good/bad this year. Hilarious nonsense to be screened on 23rd Dec, which is also around the time that the SAT scores are coming out, and also around the time when my family will be at my mum's oxford tutor's home for our holiday. Gonna be hell cold.

2011-12-13T14:11:00.000+08:00

'so hallowed and gracious is the time'

have been embarking on baby projects that 'push the envelope' recently

[will crystallize what has been witnessed & learnt once it is safe to do so

ooh barracuda]

getting paid by the hour and getting paid with food and drinks >:D

fun things pay by adding lots and lots of points to a daily/weekly quota of FUN SHIT, CRAZY SHIT, HAPPY SHIT or EXCITING SHIT

SHIT here equals experiences/activities/occurrences

no alien can ever get bored watching the human race

and no human can ever get bored being a human

lying/sitting down and doing nothing isn't boring if you have fun stoning

"LOST: job or internship?"

somehow not keen on taking internships because of how (1) i don't even know what i want to specialize in and spend 3+ to 6 months on, and (2) one can learn plenty and experience lots elsewhere also

luckily, friends are offering jobs/internships/fun commitments at superhyperreal and gushcloud

don't have to hunt or forage then

what i vaguely intend to do in the next few long months (besides the obvious activities of eating, reading, having fun with friends):

pretend i'm going for NS/BMT and buff up so that i can fight like a brave

have more fun with more media productions

go for many photoshoots

pack my room

take opportunities to learn skills through project-based assignments (no long-term jobs/internships please)

learn something new

didn't really intend to, but will be applying to Unis and will be travelling

we only hurt the ones who love us

this train ain't small enough for the two of us

WILL BE AWAY FROM 18-27 DEC AND FROM 5-12 JAN

somewhere in UK in the former, and somewhere in southeast asia in the latter

i don't actively like to travel (i actively love reading)

and i don't actively like sleeping (unless after two specific activities)

and to complete this tricolon: i'm not actively a sucker for discounts (no wait i am)

actually what have i been doing so far hmmm

recovering from late nights and unhealthy substances (i don't get drunk/hung over, I FALL SICK.)

went for a swim

working incognito at two different places that serve good food and good drink (one for curiosity and to confirm a distaste, another for CNA)

settling Uni apps

chilling

hanging out with family and bonding over foooooodddd

going for castings

walking around Singapore, chalking up kilometers on an invisible pedometer

reading horror books

writing diary entries to keep track of time

sleeping (by accident of course)

treasuring each day before entering the next stage of regimented life (that can be found in work/school)

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2011-12-08T03:49:00.000+08:00

I'M A FREE BITCH, BABY

the flesh is willing but the spirit is strong

for the first time since the end of O levels, i am completely free!! (although not as free as post-O's, because US Uni apps are due 1st Jan, so maybe after 1st Jan I'll say again that I'M FREEEEE)

no more SATs, no more prom

happy that it's finally over >:)

prom saw poor little prep, primarily because of SAT-prepping (SATs were on Saturday morning, Prom Day was Monday, started prom prep after SATs were over), and because of a general refusal to spend money on clothes that do not make me quake and tremble at the sight of them

the dress i wore for prom did make me swoon, though it wasn't something i bought with prom in mind - exchanged 40$ for it at Far East Plaza the day Prelim exams ended, to the confusion of family and friends (because it is ankle-length and shapeless)

but spending the entire Sunday (2pm-8pm) shopping at Orchard a day before Prom didn't yield significant results that would contribute to a prom outfit

felt greatly screwed & inadequate because girls around the world that take prom to extremes take prom as an experience elevated to the status of their Wedding, and here my sorry ass was, outfit-less the night before the day itself

decided not to buy pretty $130 dresses because the cost would give me more unhappiness than the happiness from having a nice new dress, and decided to SCREW PROM and prom queen nominations

went for dinner; japanese

slept an uneasy sleep from 3+am till morning, discovered the crimson tide that had reached my shores, and felt feverish at the prospects of the long day ahead

this is my prom arsenal:

40$ cosmic dress

19$ grey belt (used to hold up all that cloth)

River Island heels bought in Dec 2010

16$ hair curling perm (are perms by definition permanent??) at Serangoon Ave something!

hair clip found in bathroom

Sephora blue eyeliner, Body Shop bronzer, Estee Lauder red lipstick (from LB!), eyebrow pencil (from Guardian's promoter who had much skillz), and Body Shop purple body lotion

I AM SO FRKING HAPPY ABOUT THE MONEY SAVED FROM DOING OWN MAKE UP, DOING HAIR AT A TINY SALON NEARBY, AND FROM NOT BUYING A PROM OUTFIT!!!!!!

not as happy as i was about post-prom revelry, but this should only go to show how mad excited post-prom had me

THANK YOU FOR THE MAD HELP

my darling lovely shopaholic sister who has so graciously & passionately helped choreograph a dance for Prom Performance in such a short span of time

we had very little time to practice together and while she is a fantastic dance teacher, i am a bad student and one that has never been for dance classes, save for primary school Chinese Dance from P2-P5

will post the link in this space once FB finishes uploading it!

IT WAS HILARIOUS because i forgot everything!!!!! it's quite easy to spot all the moves that my body refused to carry out, you just have to watch my sis to see what was supposed to be done hehe

was laughing at myself (this i do even when i fall down drains - i only don't laugh at myself when i lose money when it slips out of my wallet; then i cry), and managed to smile like some excited retard (which i actually am) throughout the whole thing, which was probably why people i admitted my great shame to expressed surprise that moves were forgotten

so basically prom for me was focused completely on performing for 900 schoolmates, camwhoring (only 46 photos in my camera though hmmm), stealing food from plates (DID NOT EVEN KNOW WHERE MY SEAT WAS) and charging my phone at the holding room

my only wish was to have had eaten more Fairmont food :( :(

my most epic DIY prom [credits: Nikki Tay]

tadah that is the dress<3<3

wore my sister's purple leotard inside, and wore a nude leotard inside the gym leotard above

so, the accumulated agony over A levels, SATs and prom reached their climax once the Prom Performance was over, AND THEN IT WAS REALLY TIME TO PARTY.

i am not a clubber/drinker

the former because while FB events 'jio' me, no actual person actually 'jio's me, the latter because alcohol is fattening and both because my parents do not like it

BUT MY SECOND TIME IN A CLUB THAT MONDAY NIGHT WAS FUN

[understatement]

learnt a few things like:

use your elbows to enforce your personal space bubble against invaders

stay away from jumping humans who don't realize that their dress shoes are lethal weapons

bendy lightsticks make it all better

if you're going to lose your balance on the platform, have people who will pull you back

if you're encircled, be like a mynah bird and hop away

if them people be pouring substances past your lips, make sure they don't pour it on you

and always have someone to have your back or at least your bum

post-prom at zouk was fun because there were many recognizable faces there, and some of which were incongruous to a club >:D >:D >:D that was funny

it was fun because of great company, it was fun because it was fun to dance like it was exercise, and it was fun because of 3 good shots from 3 different sources at least a good kilometre & a half away from each other

zouk shut down after 3am, slept for half an hour around 7am, ate McDonald's (SIN) & Starbucks inbetween those times, and barely noticed the sky turn from twilight to sunshine

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

enduring obsessions endure

but boys around the world are the same

as are girls

which is partly why love songs resonate

because we all know what they're talking about

they want the same things

no matter what they dress it up as

and no they don't really want your soul

they need the substance they can hold

this will remain unfinished

and hopelessly ambiguous

2011-12-04T01:04:00.000+08:00

NO MORE A LEVELS~

for about 4 full days now >:D >:D >:D >:D

still haven't been able to fully relax, unwind, destress, and roll around in liberation because of the S A T exams (this morning) that I did NOT want to screw since I was paying to take it again. and also because of prom, that until recently was NOT prepared for AT ALL. at least now i have shoes (gonna use the ones i bought last year), a skeleton of a performance (where other performing groups have polished acts), and a plan to SHOP FOR PROM OUTFIT a day before prom. good job.

this is my second time doing S A T I, the first time I did it was a long time ago and saw 750 (Reading, 98% percentile! reading horror novels and FICTION helps! never deride King and his minions), 680 (Writing) and 680 (Math), which is far from being a nice safe score for college apps

studied much lesser for this round compared to the previous time, even though STUDYING FOR S A T is the very reason why I didn't go for the Prom Titles Photoshoot that was a day before the S A T (more on this later). also, the much-decreased levels of mugging wasn't because of MAD ECSTASY FROM THE END OF A LEVELS

why not MAD ECSTASY?

1. because i started feeling very good about taking papers, beginning with the last 2 papers, having peaked at the inappropriate time at the END. so realizing that my mojo has returned, makes me very happy to take exams...and no so deliriously excited to see the end of them

2. because my skin sucks now and i can't be happy because of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no joke.

anyway

and this time round (in AJC's container classrooms) was much more dramatic, eventful, and sad...

tea lattes taste different from when you have A levels and when you dont...

our classroom of about 30? managed to taste the invigilator's chagrin and his nationalistic angst against two PRC students who were not following the exam rules at all

one brought in a prohibited calculator - that could translate English to Chinese

the other asked if she could fill in the circles on the answer sheet for a previous section she forgot to fill - and then was later angrily discovered by the dude (when he collected the scripts) to have indeed, "gone back to a previous chapter"

the upset invigilator spent quite a lot of time chiding/excoriating/publicly humiliating the Calculator-Translator guy, even when the test was going on

ouch

"you lame paedophile!"

sigh prom

have not planned what to do for HAIR (definitely not gelling it and not hair-spraying it if possible! no chignons, no buns, no hairpieces), for MAKE UP (do it myself' with the very limited set of make up i have? attempt to remember what make-up artists do on photoshoots? what's the point of modelling if you don't learn makeup skills from the pros you encounter!?! okay no, the point is it itself<3), and for the PERFORMANCE

and i kept telling myself not to fret over Monday Night obligations until S A Ts were over; and now, one and a half days before Prom Day, i can finally start frowning deeply whenever stray thoughts inevitably lead to what should have been a lovely night of hotel food and people-watching

the performance is giving me the most stress and pain and vomit-inducing anxiety

WHAT THE HELL CAN I DO?!

i'm not classically trained in ballet since i was 5 and below, the only dance background i have is a 3 year stint in primary school Chinese Dance...before jumping ship to track & field

can't sing (never tried, not going to), can't rap (wanted to do Like A Boss by The Lonely Island, but its not funny unless everyone knows the context of "EAT A BAGEL! HARASSMENT LAWSUIT!")

and doing rhythmic gymnastics is not very feasible because one cannot jump, twirl, leap on the ballroom of Fairmont, and neither should one throw apparatuses up into the ceiling because chandeliers are expensive

but yes
NO MORE NEGATIVITY/REALISM

my sisters are helping me A LOT

and bravado makes up for a lot of sins

what i care about is giving the cohort/teachers/hotel staff an entertaining performance to enjoy and making the most out of the 3-5minutes that has been given to each performance to sink or swim; not about winning Prom Queen (Lucky Draw has better prizes, please let me win that)

i am neither ladylike nor queen-like

anyway. really wanted to kill myself (okay NOT literally. maybe by like. uh. self-destructing by exploding inwardly like some pokemon) because of SATs and Prom. but now i just want to kill myself because of my skin.

beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

AND I INSIST!

that this right here is hideous and horrible and the ugly stepsister of everything beautiful in the world

everything, including the sweet smell of glacious fro-yo

[and great. i am stress-eating now. thought something like this could only happen with national exams...but noooooo. FML. i mean it.]

2011-11-30T05:40:00.000+08:00

GUESS WHO IS FINALLY DONE WITH A LEVELS.
would add a Wuthering Heights quote that nearly perfectly describes this 21 day...experience, but not using my com now (wonders of internet phones)

It is sleep, for now, and then a glorious run in dear old Macritchie before 9am hearkens.
Life begins (although responsibilities have definitely NOT ceased. Lots of Uni apps, Creative-Industry-Related activity, scholarship interview rounds, BOOKSSS to commit time to.)

I cannot wait.
And now I cannot stay awake.
Have missed a life of non-urgency for too long. So many sacrifices (not as many as those of the single-mindedly conscientious, but still) over so many weeks/months.

Even if it is eventually "no worth" the result, it is well worth the experience that is like no other.

2011-11-26T01:12:00.001+08:00

carnal knowledge

scary dreams

'that human over there is into you; i can tell' / 'presumptions are not cool. always untrue until proven true.'

been having bad sleep throughout the whole A level period, especially toward the end!

): oh dear :(

subconscious training for post-A's anti-sleep campaign?

inertia that overcomes once ass touches the floor? (napping on the floor...is great)

just realized that i will truly be free after 1 Jan because that is when:

- US Uni apps are due, and necessarily done

- Prom is over (another source of stress!)

- scholarship interviews and full-day assessments will be done for the year (rounds 1 & 2 will be done by 2011, rounds 3 & 4, by next April)

- SATs are over!!!

- and other pleasant things like family holidays that seek an English Christmas

but i like being busy right? so all this should be ecstasy?

oh yes, and prom is stressful because there is nothing that i have of everything i need!

no outfit, no concrete plans for the night's revelry (I LOVE MAKING PLANS!!!!! especially when it ensures a smooth food-getting trip<3 e.g. go library and hit Glacious at nex before taking train, then stopping at Esplanade to get Eskimo before going back into Esplanade station to travel down to _____), no make-up, no hair, no performance (will have to come up with something eventually) NO BAG!!!!!

like for today's STB scholarship interview, the bag, dress, brooch were all my mum's

would have used my red school bag otherwise

or, god forbid, a nice classy paper bag (RECYCLE!)

and i do not travel light

"anon: are you planning to do you own hair and makeup for prom? if not, where areyou going?"

probably going to do it myself! cheap, fast (under 5min, because it's not like i have more than 2 things/more than a crappy smudgy Sasa eyeliner, lipstick to use) and convenient. leaving extreme, thick, pore-clogging, unhygienic make-up to photoshoots hehe. save money to get....uhhh. not milk tea, Eskimo has no pudding in stock until weeks later. maybe THE SIMS!!!!!

"jane: where did you buy your prom dress 2 years ago? :) "

Forever 21 for $51! did my own make-up, got hair curled by a salon at Serangoon Ave 4 Blk smth, and used my CNY shoes from years ago. not spending money on such things thrills me to uncertain ends >:)

'loving is different from being in love.' / 'you love these clothes hanging off their racks, but you won't exchange money for them unless you're in love with them.' / 'but you do love.'

POST-A LEVEL MUST-DOs

- pretend i'm going for BMT and strive/strain to attain the ability to do a pull-up

- re-watch Borat, best shit ever

- read horror novels

- go eat Bak Kut Teh with grandparents

- hike around Singapore as midnight exercise when the sun is down and UV rays afflict the other side of our globe

- learn how to be a street fighter (Chun Li has strong thighs)

- and more normal things and more abnormal things

have put off making a POST-As LIST (even though i love planning) because i would rather imagine that the possibilities are endless and that every day is a lifetime

once the screaming has subsided from being released, for the last time, from an A Level examination hall on the 29 Nov 11+am, i will start drawing squares and rectangles for the long days and nights ahead

SLEEP IS FOR WHEN YOU ARE EIGHTY

(says Jennifer Aniston)

POWER NAPS ARE THE WAY TO GO

2011-11-21T12:04:00.001+08:00

'another second in the sunshine

a decade in the dark taking part in a dream

(have you forgotten what she looks like?

or do you only see what you want to believe?)'

as promised, the four model I/Cs of RProject 2011 - AMAZING OUTFITS from insanely talented 16-18 year old JC students<3<3 [credits: Liu Anqi]

took videos of lightning from my study room! three successful videos out of maybe 7 hehe

tomorrow is the second last paper, after which there will be 6 full days inbetween to prepare for the last Linguistics paper

berry good

2 years at RJC have gone by so quickly

but time is all in your mind

and it hasn't slipped by without very yummy memories and journeys taken

nor experiences remembered fondly with or without photographic prompts

2011-11-17T23:55:00.000+08:00

SO HAPPY AHAHAHHAHAHHH

very soon i can clean up this beautiful mess!!

this is the poor abused table that has seen me through O levels, and soon, the A's

of course, it doesn't usually look like this

the wall with the ever-changing nonsense blu-tacked onto it will see cut-outs come and go (they mostly come, they only go when they drop, if ever) and the 'cool stationary i will use' will see the pens sticking out disappear one by one

but sigh

don't think i'm at my peak now

feeling extremely surreal and strange to be doing the papers

and not feeling the same buzz after each paper that i get after important papers (with the exception of International History, Math Paper 1)

doing the best i can but not doing my best

hoping for a nice happy score when the result comes back next March

ah well

this can be a nice badge of shame on my mind forever more

think i broke down too near to the exams, should have enjoyed wild cathartic therapy before prelims, and not in the midst of all the exam papers

the many engagements, appointments that are piling up for post-A's work/play keeps me going

i am adventurous but not reckless

optimistic, blissfully naive but mired in realism too

enslaved to foods rich in sugar/texture but desirous of six-packs and pull-up abilities (they're NOT mutually exclusive btw!!!!!!)

sick pleasure is somehow being derived from taking A's

i love how protracted the pain is, how (aside from Hell Week of 6 papers 4 days) there are days that disappear into notes and typing and memorizing and smiling when you know all the stories that Southeast Asian History wants you to know, and how the entire of November has been completely subsumed by the exams

its exciting on a sick, detached level, how we are all generally living hour by hour, marking days and weeks not by dates but by the papers we are done with

for the three of us in 11A01C, there are 2 papers spread over 2 weeks left

nothing could be more sadistically pleasing<3<3

(oh i react well to pressure, stress, multiple commitments (NOT THAT I'M GOING ON MODELLING ASSIGNMENTS NOW OF COURSE NOT), and less sleep than recommended: i do not react well to my three-month cycles of depression that come from internalizing that:

“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and -- in spite of True Romance magazines -- we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely -- at least, not all the time -- but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.” ― Hunter S. Thompson

we are all alone, some animals more alone than others)

being alone in the vast gym hall for less than 20min is disconcerting enough: i feel the vibrations of what once walked the earth but now stalk its shadows

hmm but what is wrong with being alone if we are all alone

loneliness is a construct of your mind

but like every other feeling that can be potent and incapacitate

it potently incapacitates

it's not about being with people, or with people to whom you are attached to romantically, or not being with people

some girls/boys grow up watching Disney and believing that someday my prince/princess will come

but i'm not that kind of kid

in fact i have grown up to be more morbid than most, and am far from being in denial about how indeed, the person who may love us best is the person we grow up into

sometimes i prophecize that marriage will not come to the firstborn daughter of my parents

yet i don't see or feel (with my psychic powers! okay these powers mostly only help in 55% of Scissors Paper Stone games, and in knowing whether a teacher is going to call on me...5 seconds before they do) any reason to suggest that my prescient prediction will be proven wrong!

PREPARE FOR THE WORST HOPE FOR SOMETHING BETTER

"anon: hey what's your subject combi? (:"

it is fun madness!

LINGUISTICS, LITERATURE, HISTORY, MATH,

H3 History that i nearly forgot about until I saw my A Level entry proof

and GP

"Lynn: Do you currently have a boyfriend"

"yijun: when did you last relationship end?"

no i don't and won't anytime soon;

feels longer than it really is; as Reagan says, it was a 'different era'

THIS IS IT!!!

very good :D :D :D

today i am done with my third last green square

green, because it is a calming colour

(red apparently makes people angry!)

okay, but the vast whiteness after 29 Nov belies the horrible obligations that are just around the corner

SAT Is are on 3rd Dec, and Prom night is on 5th Dec

have to practice for SATs (because i am NOT going to throw money at collegeboard to get a not-so-nice score!) and shop for Prom (doing own make-up = flimsy cheap-o excuse to get nice red lipstick and not hire a professional to do something to my head) and THINK OF SOME PERFORMANCE TO DO FOR PROM (no backup plan, last resort has even been formulated yet. okay actually there are some ridiculous things that i would love to do, but Borat impersonations would never do Borat justice) and get my phone fixed (it has been unable to receive calls for nearly a month now) AND EARN SOME MONEY TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL BETTER AFTER THE MONETARY CRISIS OF SEPT/OCT (okay actually the POSB account thing with my thumbprint on the cover is not impoverished, because i never withdraw money to buy anything that isn't food, but i treat it like a black hole - once in, never out)

BEING BUSY MAKES ME HAPPY!!!!!!!!

shittttt i want to read Richard Laymon nowwwwwwwwwwwww

shall go hug my blankie and tiger and whine to them

*oh the second picture there is of today's post-History paper happy sweating session! have not touched the gymnastics hoop/rope for too long.

"eve: oh about the model ic's, is it a one to one thing? like one model ic to one model? u mentioned that your sister's joiniing? do you think she'll get in? based on the qualities u mentioned :)"

have never seen my sister walk in heels, but she has physical awareness from dancing hip hop so that possibly predisposes her to an advantage in walking on tiptoe with a conscious control of her musculature that would do her well. i'm not sure how seriously she's considering trying out for RProject 2012 though. oh, and there is a core team of model I/Cs (our year had 2 girls 2 guys (OKAY NEXT TIME POST A PICTURE OF THE 4!!!), the previous had 2 girls 1 guy) that will train the entire batch of models, etc. Very fun<3<3<3

2011-11-14T00:36:00.000+08:00

we don't read minds here, only bodies

2011-11-12T17:44:00.000+08:00

someone told me i should take caution when it comes to love | but why create the need to play with fire in the first place?

cats don't need to take exams, they don't need to poop on non-concrete surface either

catapult monkeys - chasing those who run away

open up your eyes, then you realize

hell week is over! helping considerably to smash a depressed weight into smaller pieces

4 papers in 6 days, never again!

the history paper was quite a funny endeavor, did the essays that our cohort is not traditionally expert in, which may have been interesting, but not the best experiment on hindsight

revised the Korean War the night before the paper (in which more than 120 minutes were wasted on being wasted on saline droplets that help create endorphins when shed), and always loved the Global Economy topic despite not doing Economics as a subject

so i did "The Korean War was more an expression of localised conflict and not superpower rivalry", "How did the change in ideology contribute to China's economic rise in the post-Mao era?" and "How did trade liberalization benefit the global economy 1945-2000?"

that was a nice one

tricky, because the argumentative handles required were hardly the ones we focused on in class, because the question was out of left field and spanned the entire time frame of our syllabus

but very fun because it seems more forgiving toward narrative analytical discussions than the other familiar questions concerning the impact of the "Sovietization of Eastern Europe on the outbreak of the Cold War" and the "issue of the Occupied Territories as the reason why the Middle East conflict has yet to be resolved"

really don't think i'm suited to write expository essays

maybe cuz i think about Borat and everything the character says too much

narratives and stories...ftw

hope the GP essay on "Taking risks is essential to life, and should be encouraged." will be my last expository discussion in 2011!!!!!

(aside from the 4 more exam papers that will span 3 whole weeks (: (: (: (: )

'100 h movie indulgence' contest - no sleep, controlled toilet breaks, nothing but KFC and nescafe

the contestants are going through the sluggish motions of their mandatory exercise break, after nearly 44hours of continuous movie-watching with no sleep

ten thousand dollars at stake, for hallucinations after hours of unrest!

faustian deals are not the only deals that lay waste to the soul

"random: hello there haha the guys in my class stalk you jsyk~~ can you tell me what it feels like to be pretty?"

to feel pretty one has to believe one is pretty, so i can only tell you what i suspect feeling pretty may feel like

maybe for some it is a sad thing, as a physical barrier that hinders emotional connections of a deeper nature, maybe for others it is a crowning glory they seek to manipulate to usurp the self-esteem of others, maybe for most it is something to graciously accept, but something that should not have significant bearing on the way one treats oneself and others

when i feel pretty, it is after a mad run, when i know my face is red hot and my shirt is soaked with what our 70%-water bodies extrude (like magma)

it can be supposed that feeling pretty may possibly be the same as feeling attractive | i feel the prettiest when other people are happy | that may be achieved by being unpretty (:

isn't it sad that children of younger ages are experiencing self-objectification where they are being told by Primark's padded bikinis for 7 year olds, Bratz toys that look very promiscuous and Playboy bunny stationary, that they need to be sexually attractive to be of value? it isn't sad to want to look your best and to feel confident, but it is sad when you only feel confident when you look your best.

sometimes we need to remember that we do love ourselves

because no one will do it for us

2011-11-09T21:49:00.000+08:00

spending days and nights
crying instead of studying
what could be funnier?
everything

2011-11-07T18:38:00.000+08:00

A LEVELS!!!!

begin tomorrow (: (: (:

you were the only face i'd ever known / i was the light from the lamp on the floor / and only as bright as you wanted me to be

my childhood was shot with a heavy dose of Disney (Peter Pan, Mulan, Snow White, Snow White, The Little Mermaid, Cinderella), androgynous clothing, insects, playground playmates, climbing onto structures, playing with fire, lolling about on mattresses with my 2 younger sisters, and much more that escapes my memory

i hope my young adult life after A levels will be as enjoyable and happy

and i hope the A level results that return to us all from Cambridge will only add to that state, and never subtract

and to complete this tricolon, i hope that we all attain our happiness because happiness is all in your mind

we will

2011-11-05T16:56:00.000+08:00

RJ monkeys scaring the RJ cats away

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IT'S THE LAST WEEKEND BEFORE THE START OF A LEVELS!

(when i type in CAPS i don't do CAPS LOCK i hold SHIFT DOWN all the way)

been too fixated on talking about A's these past few posts

shall talk about

uhhhhh

food?

uhhh my grandmother has been making delicious rice dumplings

they are stuffed (literally) with delicious meat, chestnuts, etc

i bring them to school and unwrap the leaves

and enjoy a juicy labor of love

"Hey: Do you consider your eyes small? Single eye lid?"

right now all they are are eye-baggy and depressed-looking (: (:

to consider my eyes anything i would first have to look into them...which i only do when i brush my teeth in an angry daze

"lishi: will short people be accepted into raffles runway? is there some minimum height thing?"

the requirements are never ever set in stone, if at all!

the model I/Cs choose who they want to work with for the raffles runway fashion show; considerations include height, body proportion, catwalkin' skillz, personal qualities (bitchy reputation? zero responsibility?) and other arbitrary things

not everyone who gets in is the hottest, and not everyone who doesn't get in isn't hot to trot

i think my sis wants to join next year?

that would be fun :D

swimming in concrete

first 6 papers will be squished in 4 days: Linguistics 3h, GP Paper 1 and 2 for 3h total, International History, Pure Math, Math + Statistics

and then the week following sees two three-hour papers (Monday and Thursday)

the next week has one three-hour Literature paper on 22 Nov

and 29 Nov is the end (11.00.000 am)

can't find my entry proof yet

i fully plan to eat lunch and watch Hell's Kitchen while eating, after every paper, to destress and unwind

and no chocolate until the end of A's!

had my last Ritter Sport and Tolberone spammage this afternoon

this is, eating lunch and watching Hell's Kitchen

in fact, i'm at the exact same table that the picture depicts!

NOT FOR MUCH LONGER THOUGH

NO MORE PRE-ALEVELS PREPPING~~~~~

everything henceforth will be A-level cramming

woohoo

by day the frolic and the dance by night

chiasmus!

2011-10-30T23:11:00.000+08:00

there is no time to be sick

and yet i am

because of chocolate, chocolate ice-cream, bad sleep, Doritos (Nachos Cheesy!), homemade apple crumble (too good to not binge on), MURUKU, and excessive amounts of cake, all within too short a time frame

uh oh

about 8 days left to A levels

"HELLO ARE YOU SCARED: OF THE A LEVELS!?!?!?!!!!!"

i'm more scared that it seems to be taken (by us all) to determine the rest of our lives

in some senses it probably does

i'm scared that i regret what i do and i regret my results

getting a B that you've done your best for isn't scary, what is is getting a B that you know could have been an A

will pray in all directions and to all the powers that be every day before i sleep!

will pray to have help remembering dreams to

i want to know

frolick ain't got nothing on glacious, i'm sorry

nothing new actually: can't wait for A's to be over, doing my best to be productive and effective, watching friends stress out and react to stress, having fun interacting with people who i really want to spend more time with after A's, buying graduation night roses for people, eating the same unhealthy shit, running weekly to try compensate for that transgression...but not really caring about anything (besides food hahahaha!!!) until after A's

a rite of passage in its own right

pun not intended

"stalker: amazing that you are willing to engage with strangers/readers. anyway all the best for As; you indeed live up to raffles reputation"

i hope it excites me more than it excites you that you've called yourself stalker (: (:

is the norm not to engage with interesting people (aka strangers)? maybe i should come back to the real world and stop living in my ninja fantasy world!!!

thank you for your well wishes, I NEED IT

and what is the raffles reputation? haha a HCJC acquaintance says "muggertoad", and others say "elitist snobs"

i hope i am neither; they don't sound human

"anon kid on the block: just messed up my PW grade...what do you do when you feel infinitely wretched?"

FORGET IT!

okay to reveal something that potentially has the power to incapacitate me (something we ninja-spies are very vigilant about), self-pity is something i revel in when something really really really bad has happened to me

these really really really bad things are usually non-academic

i wasn't happy with my prelim results and was sniffling like a baby in class (something i do when i have bad hair days too. hmmm. should start paying for hair cuts and not cut my own hair every 3+ weeks.), but that isn't self-pity to me

my version of self-pity/coping mechanism is a very depressing kind, the wallow-in-sadness kind, the write-sad-narratives-and-hide-them kind

okay but seriously, don't take a PW grade too hard on yourself; what ramifications does it have on your life ultimately?

please say none (:

SEE!!!! THIS IS WHY I AM SICK AND ON THE FAST LANE TO BAD HEALTH

my mum bought all these from Cocoa Trees cuz the boss (Singaporean owner, bet you didn't realize The Cocoa Trees is a local company too! National pride!!) gave her and her friends 40% discount

thank god my mum doesn't share the same fanatic love for discounts as i do, or that huge bag there would double in mass

haven't been studying all day because feeling extremely unwell (5 litres of water, in and out) and because of Brightsparks, which is taking unusually long to fill up

the deadlines for early cycle scholarship applications are tomorrow

going to send it soon

yeahhhhh

"hello: haha hello. just wondering, what are you supposed to do since you're nominated as prom queen?"

The night of 5 Dec at Swissotel demands entertainment in the form of ANYTHING YOU CAN CONCEIVE, and this has been interpreted by the many dancers to be, a sexy dance of sorts

unfortunately! there is nothing i can do!!

The gradnight committee thinks I'm going to do a rhythmic gymnastics routine with the gymnasts (because that's what i told them hehe), but I think that needs to be supplemented with something more funny and retarded >:D >:D >:D

must think of something proper before 5 Dec, must find something to wear by 5 Dec, and must figure out whether to do own hair and make-up with the make-up in a pencilcase that is far from bursting at the seams

will definitely aim to make the 3-minute performance as entertaining as possible >:D >:D

that's an evil smile btw >:D >:D

2011-10-27T14:48:00.000+08:00

are you rough, lover?

and i wasn't sad until you asked if i was, then i began to remember things

creamy milk and ripe berries for the last few days before the massive life-changing A level examinations begin - O levels, PSLE ain't got nothing on this

glacious is really good btw

regret not trying its 30% discount earlier when it started in August

its at serangoon nex shopping mall, and the discount ends on 31 Oct (8 days before the start of A's, and 4 days from now) so i will go there daily

>:)

with freedom and liberation come a new set of chains

so always be free or never

2011-10-22T13:10:00.001+08:00

College Prowler has great info by actual students who study at the US colleges. Some non-Ivys sound extremely attractive and interesting (SEE WESLEYAN), but some adults feel that if any scholarship board is going to award you a scholarship, they won't want you to spend the tuition on a non-Ivy.

Aww

Here are 2 non-Ivys, one sounding more crazy but radical, and one whose very location makes it a prime choice already

New York University!

Many students claim that the best part about attending NYU is living in New York City, while other students complain about the school's large tuition. Most often, students are dissatisfied with the lack of a campus or school spirit, and many students believe that the institution is run too much like a business, with the school using millions of dollars to make NYU a global institution instead of supporting its current students. Otherwise, most students appreciate the various benefits of living in the city, such as diverse and exciting nightlife options, a broad range of cuisines, and prestigious and diverse internship opportunities.

Wesleyan!

What can one say about Wesleyan except that it’s an all-around great college? Make no mistake about it, though, when you move into your dorm the first day of freshman year, you’ll be petrified. You may very well be freaked out by the strange attire of your classmates or about the angry protesters on Foss Hill. Plunging into a bizarre world of drugs, hippie-paranoia, and ultra-left-wing weirdness may, at first, seem imminent. You might even lock yourself in your room and refuse to come out, worried that those tree-hugging granola heads on campus might sacrifice you to their hemp god. These fears, of course, are unfounded, ridiculous, and are all part of becoming a college student (except maybe the part about the tree-hugging granola heads).

Wesleyan has a lot of reputations, and it lives up to some of them. It’s often called “Diversity University,” and has been portrayed as being extremely politically-correct in the movies (PCU), and has been depicted in papers like the New York Times as being “naively liberal.” Is it true they have naked parties? Is it true they do drugs? Is it true they sip foreign tea and talk about socialism? Yes, yes, and yes. It’s all pretty much true. However, what you might not hear often enough and what is the truest fact of all is that Wesleyan is an amazingly wonderful, open, and stimulating place that will change your life forever. What the accepting atmosphere at Wesleyan gives the student is a sense of endless possibilities. At Wes, one has the room to try so many new things, and I’m not just talking about the drugs. I’m talking about music like you’ve never heard before, ideas you’ve never considered, people so fascinating and different from one another you can’t believe they all exist in the same place. Wesleyan is for students with open minds, who love to think, who love art and music, theater and film, and literature and experimentation. The feeling at Wesleyan is that life is beautiful and short, and that now it is the time for us to experience all that we can, learn all that we can, and in the end, come out so much larger than when we came in.

"Worst Things about Wesleyan"

Frequent protests of all varieties

Angry and bitter townspeople

Naked parties

people ask: why are all your bunnies peeing?

2011-10-21T08:58:00.000+08:00

sushi bread going places~

A Levels starting in less than 19 days!

Linguistics Paper 1 starts the cycle off, with a wonderful 3 hour session of distilling all skills and content absorbed in the last 2 years, on 8 November 8 am

and then the last paper is Linguistics Paper 2, 29 November, 8-11am

freedom beckons

but not really because uni apps and scholarship apps and SAT I (WHICH I AM RETAKING ON 4 DEC, A DAY BEFORE PROM BECAUSE MY MATH AND WRITING ARE BAD!!!!) come after the mind-blowing, life-beginning, liberation-unleashing end of A Levels 2011

but anything is better than feeling the moral duty to go to school and study (as opposed to going to public places where it is noisy + sometimes-cramped and i won't fall asleep but can still focus (like an Eevee/Hitmonlee/Scyther) because of Watsons $1.55 earplugs) because there is cheap and yummy food, guaranteed power points, no baristas to make you feel like an intruder (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMtZfW2z9dw&feature=related, but watch the Original News Coverage first) and big nice slate tables

also camping in school because i am one broke ****** (insert favourite jocular expletive, i have many >:) )

the intensely attractive but unfortunate Canon G9 that was loaned to me for a year has a "dusty viewfinder" and makes a "clacking noise when lens is zoomed out", and the Canon Clinic (okay they don't call themselves that) demands 294$ to make it better again

this, in addition to the 280+$ (or was it more :O) paid previously for the wonky lens, makes the cost of repairing what my retard hands have caused, nearly 600$, which is 75% of the cost of a 799$ Canon G9

i am a *******

one swimming and sinking in desperate straits

going to pick up every 1$ coin i see

like a boss :(

(one should not keep large amounts of money found on the streets - very very very bad karma/luck follow!!)

cheap and yummy food, in addition to the cheap and yummy food in the canteen

very fun to have dinners in school, loving the assembly lines of lovingly prepared food and hastily distributed plates <3

the quality belies the insanely affordable 1$ price, and saves us all from unhealthy/inhumane McDonalds (A SIN!) delivery that students mugging past dinner time would otherwise have to resort to

would stay for the Soup/Salad/Sandwich theme tonight, but it's my youngest sister's birthday dinner

which is also why there won't be a repeat of the regular Friday long-distance run

and also why i should get my ass back to Conflict and Co-operation in the Middle East

2011-10-15T21:37:00.000+08:00

i love that you've found love

what links the 3 photos for today is that they were all taken during a run!

the above was a less-than-30-min run, and the 2 below are of a run 4 times the duration of that

'promnoob: hi minyi what are you wearing for prom?'

anything that is not black and is not red

will go shopping in the few days after A's...or risk wearing nothing :( :(

'redd: what're the names of the rj girls who took part in tnpnf last year? any this year?'

nikki tay did new face 2010, tang li yong did new face 2011

'confused ):: hey you seem pretty sensible so can i ask you something? if a girl likes a guy but gets mixed signals from him, what should she do? is it wise to tell him, or should she just forget him (so that she does not make herself vulnerable)'

is he playing you?

guys/people can sometimes give you mixed signals on purpose, playing a game of pull-push with you to get you to be hooked on them like a fish in a glass bowl; if he's playing a game (the corollary to that is that he very likely does not genuinely like you for who you are), he's playing it because it gives him power

so don't let him have that power over you, never let yourself be desperate for him

you shouldn't force yourself to forget him/to have neutral platonic feelings for him, especially if he's not sending mixed signals on purpose and is just a confused boy himself

tell him you like him when you know you have nothing to lose

to know this, have a good guess how he will respond

then place your bets, and your relationship in Fate/Luck's hands

disclaimer: having only been in one relationship that lasted and ended, i don't think i'm very good at this, and i don't think i will ever need to be

marriage is a social construct!

kidding

will get married someday so i can have babies without being the only one raising it/them

although the stressful prospect of being responsible for a life from cradle to (infancy, nursery, kindergarten, childhood, skinned knees from climbing trees, primary school, secondary school, etc) my grave, is a massive deterrent

noble are the sacrifices of parents!

speaking of parents, my mum is going back to her alma mater to be the principal of 10 years worth of St Nicholas' Girls; she's got her wish to re-enter the front lines of education, after a 5-6 year long stay in MOE HQ that followed a 5-6 year journey as Anderson Sec's principal (she left for HQ when I entered Sec 1...damn!)

and now my youngest sister, who is coincidentally the Student Council President of St Nicks Sec, will have her mum as the Principal in her Sec 4 year (aka next year)

ISN'T THAT INSANELY FUN!!!

my parents pranked their three children before revealing my mum's next posting

said woman typed out her own letter ("this letter is so special, it doesn't even have a letterhead...very unusual..!" chirped my dad gleefully while we perused the faked letter), which informed her that her next job would be as a Super Principal of Raffles Institution, Raffles Girls' School and CHIJ St Nicholas' Girls School (aka the schools their 3 kids were at)

my sis was fooled for 2 hours before i reached home, and i was fooled for about 4 minutes only because i was quicker to notice that the dude who "issued" the letter was a name that was my dad's chinese name

there's no such thing as a Super Principal btw

mum is Super to me still

backbone bruises, baby

really really really love running

felt like a mad ninja while the 6 of us threaded through little india (HAPPY DEEPAVALI!) and the crowds of Bugis

pavement pounding and heat-radiating

we ran from school at marymount, to thomson, to novena, to newton, through little india, to dhobyghaut (at Wilkie Edge and POMO), to rochor/selegie, to bugis

after re-hydrating at iluma's public toilets, where a fellow woman looked at me drinking water from my hands, we ran/walked back to school along the highway

so from 5.15++pm until 8+pm, we watched the skies grow dark and the cars rumble faster

running is intoxicating

even if 17.7km is a hell lot more than the 3.5km usually approached in Serangoon/school stadium

will run everywhere after A's

hungry and waiting for LTA's traffic light timing to save us

some of the Anderson Sec alumni boys who are doing StanChart's marathon after A's and some who are not

sucking on carb-loading strawberry-flavoured gel for the first time incited an epiphany that confirmed something suspected

it's weird!

we'll see how that pans out

_ _

'Just wondering: When you're done with A levels (i.e. in december), will you do an underwater shoot with me? Although you don't know who I am. [:'

haha if i don't know you, you don't know me either! why would you want to!

tangentially related: many things i have done, i have done with people who were strangers up till that point

they're not strangers now, and they're good friends and new happy acquaintances

_ _

A LEVELS IN A FEW MORE WEEKS!!!

will post more visual-based stuff that has less words, because i love them pictures anyway

_ _

moths love the fire that devours them

and i love as well

sometimes people do things for the strangest reasons

and one should have the creativity and imagination to unravel the mysteries of compulsion, to knowingly expose their mind and reveal the shock beneath

that takes a lot of luck and a lot of intuitive understanding

which is why nobody will know

why

2011-10-10T22:33:00.000+08:00

deflated hair 7 hours after violent hair spray by Monsoon hair stylists

full rehearsal the night before: the guest presenters filling up the rows separately before making friends over the course of the next day

backstage madness - not so mad now, but a crazed flurry later

prescient knowledge in our trembling hands! the mike is forever LIVE, so we have to hold it like this. didn't stop my clumsy hands from creating inadvertent thumping noises when i knocked into it with my other hand

you can watch the video of the prize presentation here:

http://razortv.com.sg/site/servlet/segment/main/lifestyle/70136.html

until i saw the video coverage, i was convinced and very sure that the self-wrought humiliation was irreparable :( :(

but that's only because i knew how bad it could have been!!!!

my entire arm was shaking uncontrollably, my brain was a pitiful blank (THIS IS WHAT BEING STUPID MEANS! MEMORIZING YOUR SCRIPT AND BEING THE ONLY GUEST HOST WHO DIDN'T BRING UP A SCRIPT! AND FORGETTING SAID SCRIPT!!), and i was so terribly self-conscious at being the first guest host to walk up on stage, especially knowing that my pixellated face was right above the audience in an no doubt unflattering close-up shot

this is my script by the way:

Hello everyone! My name is Min Yi and I'm New Paper New Face 2009's second runners-up. After a night of exciting performances, the moment that has to come has finally come. What we're about to find out is which of these lucky ladies has won one of the 6 subsidiary titles for tonight. Our first prize is the Subaru Miss Vivacious title, and it's my pleasure to invite up on stage to give out the prize of $1, 000 cash, Senior Sales Manager for Motor Image Enterprises, Mr Eric Ong.

and ignoring the fact that being able to recite/give life to a chunk like that in front of 700 is extremely different from saying this under one's breath, i conveniently left my handwritten script backstage to rot

still, i have stopped beating myself up for failing to do myself justice, because in my mind's eye i did a lot worse than i thought would be apparent on the video footage

completely forgot everything :(

(except the ONE THOUUUSAND DOLLARS~ part)

it was basically a protracted awkward moment, especially when it was time to take photos with the winner and the 'honored guest' giving out the 1000$, cuz i had no idea how to position myself, or how to stop that horrible smile on my face from beaming so unnaturally widely

my sis told me that i just sounded really bimbotic

and N told me after that that she thought i was usually very 'steady'

learnt 3 things that night: the importance of not sleeping 4h/day for 4 days before an important event (no naps in the afternoon - sleep is for the weak!), the importance of digesting more than milk tea and gravy-soaked chicken for dinner, and the importance of CUE CARDS

backstage, daniel suggested we all come back and guest host next year again

if i'm still in Singapore i definitely want to redeem myself

oh right about the 'poodle hair':

i asked for BIG HAIR, aspiring toward long luscious curly curls

4 Monsoon hair artists had a rollicking good time curling my hair while swapping hair care/lifestyle tips with an inexperienced student who cuts her own hair

after nearly 40min, poof! poofy magic!

after a nerve-wracking night spent freaking out in sponsored clothes and thick make-up and toxic hair (hair spray is necessarily poisonous!!), the after-party at Meritus Mandarin was a nice conclusion to two nights to friend-making, photo-taking (a lot using others' cameras), and information-learning!!

in that week (aka last week), i spent 4 days doing shoots/hosting, and 3 caked in make up

last time doing non-academic stuff before A levels end

there are appointments and auditions that must take place immediately after A's

very good that there is nothing i cannot say No to until A's end

unless the woman replies the email and says No, you need to come here right now

---------

an incomplete response before i bathe, which is something i haven't done in too long

heh

Readerrr: hi whats your favourite wuthering heights character? (: i'm guessing its heathcliff

because he's violent and beats people?? unfortunately i don't have a favourite amongst Bronte's creatures...Hareton's sincerity and earnestness is very endearing though

hi: hi minyi does rjc have gpa or msg system or what? and good luck for your sat tests!

the college goes by the ABCDESU system, where anything above 70 gets you an A, B is 60-70, C is 55-60, etc. Anderson Secondary used MSG :) :) and i think RGS uses GPA system

passer: do you have a boyfriend? just curious. love your confidence!

that's what Tylda of dresstronomy asked, if there were boys in my school 'chasing' yours truly, to which i said OF COURSE NOT! I WALK LIKE A MAN! which she and Pat both know to be true (: (:

grace: how did you do for your hosting for new face?

did not do my best, did not do what i could have been able to do, toward which i am very sorry that i couldn't give daniel boey the best showing that his show could have witnessed

2011-10-10T22:20:00.000+08:00

the blankie + tiger i never sleep without? right there from day one.

my sisters and i are all 21 months apart - April, Jan, Oct

to the man who takes photos of RJC girls when they're at serangoon station: if you're a fail-ninja that is ill-intentioned...you have met someone who is NOT a fail-ninja (but okay, fail in the sense that you and a lot of other people knew i was taking photos of you) and will take photos of YOU.

it is probably around this time now that my goodie bag got stolen :( :(

guest hosts minus sara chan plus daniel boey who is in the picture above!

who knew girls of 1.82m could be so sweet and nice and lovely<3

before the mad curls...is the mad hair

2011-10-06T01:12:00.000+08:00

Gah!! Going to be the first "guest host" for New Paper New Face 2011 Finals tomorrow night!! Why is the youngest, most retarded & easily excitable New Face alumni the one to first walk across the stage to 'invite' honored corporate guests up on stage to give out 1000$ prizes!!

But enough w the interrogatives-that-function-as-exclamatory sentences (M, T, if you're reading this...ELL FOR LIFE!) - I am extremely excited for the graduating batch of New Face 2011<3 Cannot help but to live vicariously through the adrenalin-pumped and sweaty-palmed girls who have been (as admitted by one of the taller contestants) living an austere life food-wise for too long. Well it all ends to(morrow)night, but until then: savor the sweet juice of mystery and life.

A Level countdown: too soon
Desperation levels: too high
If I continue to tell myself I'm doomed to despair? too bad

Will buy milk tea tomorrow, finish off this busy week of non-academic duties (spoilt camera fixing time aside there ARE still tasks to approach) and then bust my ass studying where cold air and drinks aren't free, and stimulating environs are muffled by Watsons 1.55$ earplugs

Days are too short for miserable fixations (and nights, for milking memories)

2011-10-01T23:37:00.000+08:00

pudding milk tea upsized

ESKIMO!!!!!!

Poor old Eskimo, a new bubble tea shop has popped up at dhobyghaut mrt (where Sweet Talk used to be, where the exit to plaza sing basement is) to challenge its superior milk tea drinks

nearly was tempted to try it, but no, loyalty to something good & happiness-inducing will remain

"reader: hi, what's nice at eskimo! that's the milk tea shop at esplanade right?"

Esplanade xchange, Dhobyghaut xchange and several other MRT xchanges have glorious eskimo!!

until one wonderful day where the Mini Bubble (baby pearls instead of big swollen ones) Milk Tea ran out, I never tried the Pudding Milk Tea

been getting that every time ever since<3<3<3<3

normally i don't like little boys, but...

人之初

性本善

and something from today's SAT II Literature subject test, which had many very enjoyable passages

HEART, have no pity on this house of bone:
Shake it with dancing, break it down with joy.
No man holds mortgage on it; it is your own;
To give, to sell at auction, to destroy.
When you are blind to moonlight on the bed,
When you are deaf to gravel on the pane,
Shall quavering caution from this house instead
Cluck forth at summer mischief in the lane?
All that delightful youth forbears to spend
Molestful age inherits, and the ground
Will have us; therefore, while we're young, my friend--
The Latin's vulgar, but the advice is sound.
Youth, have no pity; leave no farthing here
For age to invest in compromise and fear.

edna st vincent millay

desperate times call for desperate means

friendship is worth more than money

and money can be more important than...happiness

these few days have been financially heartbreaking

this doesn't see an end to milk tea-buying or Chocolat 'n' Spice muffin-eating, but it does see a sharp pike in 'DISTRESS' levels

for strange and yet unknown reasons, money has been an evil poison that makes me selectively sick

['selectively', because my subconscious doesn't feel queasy at getting milk tea/cookies/more P-700 pens, even though these could be categorized as a Want and not a Need]

a dysfunctional & all-consuming relationship exists between $$$ and myself

its not healthy for the heart/mind, though it has the potential to be so for POSB

how we relate to each other is like this: a lot of purchase decisions are made after weighing twin factors of Happiness and Cost, and most of the time, Cost considerations supersede that of Happiness, which is forgone despite the alternative (Significantly Slighted Happiness)

normal people accept that they 'have' to pay for stuff like clothes, food, shoes with their parents' money

sad souls feel immense discomfort at having to do so, and either feel horrible about it, or choose not to spend money at all (yay)

not because of a Hoarder's mentality, where Uncle Scrooge desires to stowaway every gold coin he gets - money is as useful and good as what you spend it on, and it is no use as an ornament in the bank if it could be exchanged for practical satisfaction; and not because of a desperate lack of money: my mum insists to my pained face that i don't have to constantly be paranoid about whether i am incurring a massive opportunity cost by 'costing them'; and not because of a lack of extra allowance, being with Upfront allows for cash money when they eventually send cheques

so why anxiety

and why the panic to not spend and save, when there is nothing i am saving up toward

(a weird cycle: i refuse to buy things to save money that could be used better elsewhere, but i never ever stumble upon that material something that i would use the money i save from getting (e.g.) the cheapest $15 Aglio Olio instead of the $22 Linguine al Funghi)

thank god Upfront has a job for me this week (which i will take because it is time held tradition for shoots after major stressful examinations), or i would be suicidal for the following

signing up for the SAT subject tests last minute (3 days before the test date, i.e. Saturday/today) mean you pay an extra USD$43 in administrative fees, which is $55.63 in SGD

that really hurts

more than a punch to the sternum

or other things tried and tested

returning an asos.com shorts that looked great on the site, but a joke on my ass - $6 postage, which is a lot when you think about it, for something that could have been avoidable (hence compounding shopper's guilt over clicking "Confirm")

being the worst guardian of a camera that was graciously loaned for an entire year is going to cost $289 + another fee for fixing a wonky viewfinder, a significant fraction of what a Canon G9 originally costs so i should have bought my own camera...instead of allowing the day where it jumps out of my hands onto the ground approach

remembering all this, in addition to money "lost" from organizing class gatherings/chalets since sec 2 (you pay the chalet and the BBQ supplier...but who pays you hmmm) and $$ loaned out, is suffocating

while i won't stop telling people they can "pay me another day"/the next time in months i see them, i can't stop feeling like i'm in debt to myself

i'll do what i have to, to fork out money for the camera

one life

use it

2011-09-27T10:58:00.001+08:00

darkness night sleep

prelims ended 8 days ago, results coming back in one shot in 6

can't wait to get back results, but i definitely can wait to get back to school

really really enjoying the freedom to eat whenever i want, wear whatever comfy ratty shirt, go to the loo/stretch/do side planks (which i do while i restock in Tiny Towers - 82 levels!!!), and to revise wherever..

missing school mates

but everyone is always busy, so fun laughter games food drink will come after A's

the potential for revelry that post-prelims has and is being fulfilled, is intensely intoxicating an incentive for pre-A's chionging

its like a rollercoaster mountain ride - the higher your work load/your "stress" (which has negative connotations: amazing urgency and positive pressure is good stress)/your productivity, the more exhilirating and gratifying the plunge down

and nobody wants a small mountain of pleasure

credits: Talia Seet

look at your man

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE

this was a baby class gathering where we threw back diluted baby drinks, listened to baby Disney songs (okay, the live music players did sing a lot of other songs like...ummm i'm not too good with music oops), ate yummy & overpriced (as always) food, and played nonsense games that could have been so much more nonsense!

anyway, that happy photo-bombing dude there reminded me of another photo bomb a long long time ago in Adelaide, Australia - H and I were taking photos against a very nice wall, and the dude's dude friend (friend of the dude who helped us take a picture) crashed the shot with his hairy arm and a handful of bananas

I APPROVE

which means that yes, this is the sort of thing i would do (as long as it very surely does not impose on strangers or make them overly uncomfortable or piss the shit (wahahah) out of them), and this is the sort of thing i completely condone

what other funny things do strangers impel me to do

okay

i interrogate them on buses to ask if their hair is naturally gorgeously curly (the girl on the bus who's from "SMU" ties her hair "in a bun, a lot"), i smile at old people (to prove to their subconscious that young people are not hostile, iPod-plugged machines in their tiny bubble)

and other stuff that cannot be categorized in general statements like the above

and what was that all about?

round and round it goes

where it stops nobody knows

licking raindrops

the newspapers have been covering the education system in Singapore

what stands out for me, at least, is how it seems as if our poor primary school children have no time for a childhood, how tuition/enrichment/supplementary classes that may not actually mould sparkling geniuses out of the young ones (but backfire, overload their poor souls, and make them hate the slog purely for the sake of examinations) are heaped onto kids...partly because of kiasu parents who take kiasu to kiasu extremes

enabling your child achieve her/his maximum potential is wonderful and empowering, that's undeniable and hopefully quite obvious

but imposing expectations and achievement benchmarks onto your offspring, forcing interests in certain prestigious fields, and dictating what your child spends his time after finishing the necessary schoolwork meted out to help him retain what's learnt in school...is sad

grade grubbing isn't everything in life

academic success is important, because in a tiny nation whose foreign investment is vitally important, human resource must be cultivated carefully and effectively

but a successful life isn't one that always and only sees your teacher marking your work and drawing a big juicy 'A' across it

to borrow from the quote in Hitch (who borrowed it from a woman called Hilary), Life isn't measured by the breaths you take but by the moments that take your breath away

let the breaths taken away by studying be because of a genuine pleasure and joy of learning, not because of the expedient aim of getting the grade at the expense of getting a life

(this applies most to children, who must!!! have a childhood of their own! please please let them have productive fun, but fun nonetheless)

BOO: saw you at nex fish and co!!!

you sure?

haha okay yes that was me...

come say hi (:

e: LOVE YOUR POSTS. if they were on tumblr i'd totally repost them <3 x

thank you for the <3<3!

hi: What did u do for post prelim:) can elaborate

overactive ninja senses tell me that you already know!

could you be the one and only person who knows what happens?

spectra: Hi! I know this question can go on forever (from you!) but can you recommend some awesome places to eat?

because a rabid passion for favourite eats does not hone culinary skills, i hope you will not find the following nasty-tasting (:

(a lack of disposable income means that i don't actually go around Singapore and indulge in fantastic food :( :( i just really love small "snacks" like yoguru, swissbake, eskimo pudding milk tea, famous amos, DJ Bakery at Kovan, Chocolat 'n' Spice muffins, molten chocolate lava cakes that look good)

try anything that looks good at chinatown (chinatown complex?), it invariably will be

other food centres that may store surprising delicious delights: albert food complex, tiong bahru food complex (tiong bahru pau and chwee kweh!)

old airport road meilock soursop fruit juice (insanely good, and the only fruit juice i will shell out money for)

dessertbowl at serangoon gardens (for HK-type dessert)

rojak at toa payoh food court (under the bus interchange)

Singapore is obsessed with food, google and you will be bombarded with reviews & recommendations

*salivate*

Reader :): hey I love your hair!!! Have more confidence in yourself, you're GORGEOUS!!! all the best for As!!

thank you for your gracious generosity!

my hair is fortunate to have at least one person loving it (:

anon number 2: yah yah yah what are your grades like in RJ?

see below (:

anon: how are your grades usually like? straight As/close to straight As with a couple of Bs?

noooooooooooooooo my grades are definitely not so stellar!

the only grades i remember are my NAPFA scores, because that's what i really care about (talk about screwed priorities)

being a Humanities scholar doesn't automatically grant one immunity from anything less than an A, just like how being in a JC doesn't de facto mean one is smart

we are more than our labels, thank god

if your expectations of my grades are that awesome, then i really hope to post a very happy post next year when A level results get back

40+ more days to A Levels!

Liberation hearkens!

anon: is there hope for short girls here, or are there strict height requirements for print/commercial modelling as well?

personal observation: a lot of tall and very tall girls dominate editorial and fashion spreads in magazines

height may not be as significant a factor in Beauty editorials (where they close-up on your face and the make-up that have had hours spent on) because they don't need to see your body/whether it is long/whether it is proportionate even

so i don't think there are supremely strict requirements for height :D

2011-09-23T23:47:00.000+08:00

memory
of memories

when you shut your eyes (when you wish upon a star)
what it is is what it is; makes no difference who you are (with)

a brush is a brush
a steal is a stolen
that is that

none of unsanitation, but more of upsetting abhorrence
but why

but why not?

why not in this world and age, or in the ages thence and those before
why not here, where all on one floor lay

lying on the ground
several considerations crawl and writhe in your head
and you choose which to let fester and which to exterminate
feeding the bold with fire and the virtuous with mud
washing consciousness with more thoughts
of a heavier kind

of a heavier mould
of a heavier frame
of a heavier you

toppled over, Humpty Dumpty's resting position belies the efforts of the King's men and horses
and ancilliary sounds compel constitutive thought, while the dance of the inevitable silently plays

2011-09-21T23:09:00.000+08:00

work hard play hard(er)

post-prelims have been very satisfying in many different ways

very tempted to augment the post-A's pleasure tenfold by making the pre-A's period one intensely focused and productive

there are forces at play that are making that reality

and time will melt like a tropical typhoon

seek and you will find

a delectable life

if you're lucky

2011-09-17T01:53:00.000+08:00

every second is a life time

ACHIEVEMENT!

7 papers of 3 hours each (think about it, absorb that shocking piece of news - that's 8.15 - 11.15am of mad writing and slight frowns, and a short nearly meaningless lunch break until 1.15pm for the next paper at 1.30-4.30pm), for the past 4 days

today is the tomorrow you worry about yesterday

and that has never been more true about such prolonged periods of pressurizing/straining situations where one takes every 45min block as it comes and goes

very very happy now<3

technically prelims aren't over, not for kids with literature left, and definitely not for the science kids who end about 2 Mondays later

but what i did after a harrowing spending 6 exhausting hours out of 10 waking ones writing and watching my handwriting go crazy, was so enjoyable and relaxing that all that was worth it

i went to run!

typing that induces happiness too

(okay maybe this feel good shit is because of ummmmm it being that time of the month. it came during the ELL paper (because i pee before and after each paper like some water-storing camel) which was on Thursday afternoon, and for the whole of Friday my lower back hurt, as it is wont to do, during the History and Math papers :( also, another possible side-effect of it is the absolute sense of fatigue that hit me on Thursday-Friday, that had me being unreasonably exhausted)

ran for a shorter duration than you may think

hid away from the scores of football-playing people

read Hamlet while warming down

talked to F who was near my bag when i came back to the stadium

the dark sky sees no more blue clouds by the time we are done talking

go to the canteen, talk to J (whom i haven't spoken to since forever)

and then find N and kachau her

and talk to Z and W (all three neighbours!)

seek A, R, J (whose gender belies their gossip abilities)

go to swissbake

(and am devastated when this woman takes the last museli granola. as in seriously. being denied food that i fantasize about is very heart-wrenching, and i will curse in the canteen when that happens)

go to sogurt

loiter around NTUC

buy cereal

go home

eat ben and jerry's and bakerzin bread

eat expired yoghurt

suffer the consequences >:)

bathe (there is NO SOAP!!! have to resort to using body shop's strawberry exfoliating soap thing...instead of Johnson's baby)

masochistically interact with truly unpleasant individuals

men are all the same (:

GOING FOR A MASSAGE TOMORROW

my only pleasure that is exchangable for money

(food/milk tea = necessity, arguably?)

(kidding. if everyone didn't buy milk tea/sogurt for a day, we would make a more than earthshattering difference to people forced to do things they don't want to because of poverty)

whisker play

"since we're on the topic: tampons or pads?"

i do not endorse inserting strange things that are mass produced like that, into your precious nether regions!

tampons are apparently not very good for too long, because they are more...uhh unhygenic...i think

no idea, because never tempted to flirt with the innovation, nor faced with the need to

BUT! if i were undergoing Basic Military Training and the crimson tide of unspeakable pleasures came over me, i would still smuggle in pads, especially this pink one (aren't they all pink..!) by Laurier

very nais

and to kkk who "thought I saw you studying at SMU that one saturday night. all the best for As.", you saw right (: hope i do not disappoint with an unglam nature

"Anon111: Do You find it challenging doing lit now considering you didn't do lit in sec sch?"

no actually...hmmm...if, after nearly the end of JC life, lit is still an insurmountable challenge then i have failed my teachers

in sec sch i did lit until sec 3 begun (because then you choose what you want to do for O levels and instead of Lit I took History), and wasn't completely horrible at it, if 30/30 marks for one of the exams can sufficiently demonstrate proficiency to a certain extent

history is more 'stressful', but as with all subjects there is a certain kind of 'kick' to be derived from writing essays, flipping pages, composing conclusions to arguments you wish you had more time to fluff up

"Cheryl: Hi Minyi, do you have to be super thin in Singapore to be a model? What range of measurements to they go for? :)) Thanks!"

my personal opinion not representative of any industry view: what is crucial is proportion and not skinniness per se; i'm sure you know of fleshy buxom ladies that you find more physically attractive than skinny prepubescent bodies

but that is face-to-face attractiveness, which isn't exactly what "modelling" requires/desires

what does it want then?

it wants photogenic photos for photoshoots, it wants tall, long, lanky, skinny frames with cheekbones that slice air with that sunken effect for those that stalk the catwalk, and it wants versatile bodies that can portray a myriad of personas when a camera is pointing to them and when a crew of makeup/hair artists/stylists are watching their work, work

skills first, waist circumference second

when i don't get a casting agent to book, i don't instantly think "Oh, it's because of the Ben & Jerry's that are constantly on $22.90 sale" or "Oh, it's because of that pastry/prata/laksa soup noodles (literally that: laksa-soup drunk with noodles casually there)/mooncake that I polished off last night"

bookers for editorial shoots in magazines have a specific look that they want for their shoot, and if you don't look closest to the mood they envision for their shoot, you're not going to get paid for having fun, just because you don't look like what they're imagining - not because the girl before was bonier than you

"anon: are you still with Harris? (:"

long time no hear, see, FB, sms, anything

and why should he want to

"m: how do you do history notes? (: thanks!"

i read stuff, i read the collaborative effort (by way of google docs!) that M and J have allowed people like myself and others to contribute to, i make "linking maps" (not really mindmaps, same function, but less pretty) so i can see everything at once and remember it then

i used to make acronyms in Sec 4, but now there is too much to learn, and it's better to just know all that shit immediately without relying on snazzy memory aids

"m: do you take h1 or h2 econs? (:"

neither!! my 4 H2s are history, english language and linguistics, literature and math.

the H3 history research essay, (which is finally bounded and ready to fly to Cambridge) is technically a Linguistics report too since its on Singapore's language policy

cheater bug hah

mummy dearest again: but there are bad people at Far East...(on a monday morning at 7.30am)

didn't go to any coffee outlet during the whole of Sept hols, which is slightly ironic given that i camp at Starbucks/Coffeebeans (not everyday!) for more than 5 hours during the school term, as if i am on holiday

so, on the day before the Literature prelim paper, i went to Coffee Bean for lunch and beyond! (Sept Hols were over by then, and the staff wouldn't be annoyed with the flood of camping crammers)

went to Far East Plaza's stone tables to do a math paper first, and after 3 hours of pen twirling and pencil scribbling, my sister and I go to Tang Plaza a few hours before the infamous sewage pipe 'burst-age' happens, before heading to CB

Orchard in the morning was very exciting with all the shuttered stores and bleary-eyed white-collared workers starting another exciting Monday with McCafe/Starbucks

anything is exciting if you just believe

2011-09-13T23:52:00.000+08:00

and reply, lip and tongue

PRELIMS!

from today until next monday

8 papers condensed into 5 days

2 papers a day for the next 3 until friday

6 hours of blue ink scratched onto green-lined foolscap

for all the days with double papers of 3h each

how time teleports, it is prelims again

the science kids end their papers about a week later than the arts minority

that will happen too in the actual A levels

History + Econs + Literature + Math people end on 22 Nov

History + English Language & Linguistics + Literature + Math people end on 29 Nov

as M, T and myself know very well (:

the winds of haze

am quite stressed about prelims during prelims

was very calm and peaceful right up till the day before the Lit paper this morning

after which i realize the absence of the conscious decision to slog painfully like a slave for history, which gut feel suggests is necessary because working hard should be a corollary of working smart

right now revising is a relaxed (urgent but relaxed) ride that sees time carved out for family things like unhealthy suppers, and runs on weekend mornings

there is nothing much going on in my life besides revising

am not going for castings, can't commit the time for shoots, not going to help clicknetwork.tv report for SHINee concerts on 10/9 etc (didn't know that SHINee was big. oops.), and not going to food-hunt/experience-gather excessively

oh but i won't miss the New Face 2011 Finals in early October

seeing that the organizers very nicely got 5 alumni from the contest to help in the prize giving ceremony on the final night

if they're not making us all wear designs from sponsors....i must go shopping

(BUT FOR WHAT?!?!?!!)

just as there are unfashionable boys, there also are unfashionable girls

(_8(|)

International History and Linguistics papers tomorrow

d'oh!

2011-09-09T10:27:00.000+08:00

people

is there anything that charms people but the inherent attractiveness of one?

weird phrasing aside, what i'm trying to wonder is whether person B can win over the admiration/attraction/amity if person A is not already inherently attracted to B on some level -whether to that person's physical condition, personality/character, outlook on life, etc- by things that are not as immediately contrived and constructed as opposed to conscious efforts at seduction

the "anything" above refers to sneaky methods that pick up artists and devious people use, like the potent power of suggestion, mind control, mind games of cat and mouse and more, demonstrating social value (i.e. Yo I am rich and I will use my $$$ as means to make you want me want you)

when the attraction X feels for Y is one-sided, what on earth must happen, or change before Y would even consider reciprocating in kind?

when Q deeply desires P, but P does not desire Q in any way, is there any point of Q holding on to the hope that P may one day accept Q?

sometimes chemistry is chemistry, and two can easily cohere

sometimes attraction is Cupid's arrow, and not a magnetizing force between two equally enamoured poles

and sometimes people just don't click because they choose not to, or they don't see the value to make an effort to

i am very conscious of my penchant for certain individuals (and not certain types of individuals, as in, i don't go like Oh i like polo boys, i go Oh i like ____ and s/he is coincidentally a ____), and the strong happy feelings of friendship i feel toward people i like/really like

and hugs, no more no less, are the best

too bad random ones are socially unacceptable behavior and possibly uninvited

urges are transient in nature

but your nature is yours to keep

best budz for lyfxxx

lucky, that ass of a dog, pretended to be dead and i believed him!!!!!!!!

he was lying on his side with his eyes wide open, with flies landing in different parts of his golden-white fur

and then as i left home with dad, and waved goodbye to the doggies, lucky's body didn't move and his eyes didn't stare anywhere but vacantly ahead

then i waved again, hopefully within his peripheral vision

no response still!

which was extremely unlike him, or any dog that is alive

because dad was already starting up the car, i couldn't poke lucky to check for signs of life

had to leave a potentially dead dog behind :( :(

messaged the whole family with WhatsApp

eventually news got back that lucky wasn't dead

whew

shall help the dogs kiss each other now, instead of watching them express their appreciation for each other by humping to no reproductive end

treasure your loved ones before its too late!

(speaking of that, i had this screwed up morbid dream, where people where getting killed by some crazy murderer who seems to be above justice, the laws of physics and the law itself. i vaguely remember my second sister being snatched...from somewhere...and me on a ninja/spy-like mission to track down the evil forces behind that. the killer(s) slayed people in groups of 2. one of the pairs were killed and laid at the bottom of a pool, on some pool mat, while in their bathing suits. one of the pairs was impaled on black iron-wrought poles that can fence houses. and a few others that i don't remember... i remember feeling chased while escaping via a very complicated train station that had features similar to Ion Orchard (like the marbled walls and the clean, crisp feeling.)

perfect irony - McDonald's ads on Mind Your Body, health supplement of the Straits Times

shit i really hate what i do to myself

wiwi came back from indonesia with lots of indonesian goodies like this Corn Cheese Chilli crackers kind of thing

and i freaking eat more than i should in less time than most would take

grrrrrrr

uncontrollable feeding

need to tape my mouth shut if i study at home

oh wait i can't drink water then

hmmmm

at what cost anti-obesity?

contrary to misconceptions, my body image is not stunningly optimistic

that said, i do not constantly think thoughts like I am a fat glutton, but there is a reason why i avoid all reflective surfaces

even at photoshoots i never ever want to see the "transformation" once the make up is done, there is no compulsion to examine each expertly blended eye colour or the glossy reds of Chanel lipsticks (apparently MAC has the best ranges of colour, and Dior lipglosses are one of the best)

i don't think there's anything wrong with feeling unpretty

2011-09-07T01:12:00.000+08:00

What our men and manly ladies receive when they go for 9 weeks of Basic Military Training (assuming one is PES-A). Bolded are the things I am really really really excited for.

1x Duffel Bag (Black)
5x No.4 Uniforms
4x PT Singlets3x Admin T-Shirts
1x Kevlar Helmet1x Jockey Cap
1x Swimming Trunks
1x PT shoes
2x Combat Boots2x Green Towels
1x Kiwi Set + Brush
1x Sewing Kit
1x Fork & Spoon Set
5x No.4 Socks
2x PT Socks
1x Garters
2x AA Batteries
1x 7 piece Tolietries
1x LBV
1x Helmet Net
2x Green Water Bottles1x Field Pack
1x Toggle Rope
1x Multiple purpose knife2x Mess Tin
1x Mess Mug
1x Ear Plug1x No.4 Belt
1x Half finger Gloves1x Black Sling Bag
1x Airforce Waterbottle

~*~

Okay i apologize for this barely contained fetish with the army/uniforms/aggression.
Rest assured it is under control.

Its that time of the month and that time of youth.
Time for Ya Kun Kaya Peanut Toast.
And mooncakes.

~*~

":'): Hi, how did you do for your olevels and do you have any tips to ace the subjects? What was your subject combination back then and did you get into rjc by jae?"

6 points - 4 = 2 points was the final aggregate score, coming from doing English, Mandarin, Higher Chinese, A Math, E Math, Pure Physics, Pure Chemistry, Pure Geog (LOVE GEOG!) and History+Social Studies.

And other than O level results, there seriously isn't any other way I would "get into rjc", because I have nothing to DSA with! The DSA people in RJC are very very talented in their fields of Gymnastics (JC that's you<3<3<3), Track & Field, Cricket, etc etc.

~*~

According to a former colonel whose genes I happen to have, and according to his wife, the army wouldn't let any retarded person join them just for BMT, and then say sayonara after!

Pity pity pity.
I was hoping I would be a good soldier.

Must live vicariously through those who are going to dig trenches, bathe together with other members of the same sex (not that communal bathing gets me going...if i join BMT i will not bathe. HAH!), and learn how to shoot and shoot well.

So human traffickers of sex slaves, child slaves and slaves will never destroy lives again.